Total pages in book: 151
Estimated words: 147649 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 738(@200wpm)___ 591(@250wpm)___ 492(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 147649 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 738(@200wpm)___ 591(@250wpm)___ 492(@300wpm)
Exasperated, I try to pull harder, to no avail.
Perhaps I should use the spelling to loosen it a bit?
It’s worth a try.
I stand in front of the wall of gemstone doorknobs and clear my throat. Then I say my spell.
The doorknob right in front of me begins to glow, like they were earlier, and I clap my hands, so proud of myself for figuring out the magic of doorknobs.
But then… it disappears.
“What the—” I just stare at the empty space where the doorknob was, blinking. Then I look up at the ceiling as I talk to the dungeon gods. “What is this? Are you punishing me for terrible writing? That’s not fair! I never went to school for this! I’m an amateur! I should be judged as an amateur!”
I shake my fist at the ceiling as well.
The ceiling, however, does not respond.
Well. I go back to the nest, settle down on the edge, and think up a new one.
Bastard gods. Who do they think they are, expecting me to be perfect on my very first try? Jerks. All of them.
Still, I am rather good at this. So in no time at all, I have a new spelling. I walk over to the wall, take a deep breath, focusing on one particular doorknob—I figure this cannot hurt my chances—and then spit out the new words:
I am good and I am great
I respect the gods of gates.
(Not really, but does it matter?)
I have a woman and some eggs
Crack them open and give her legs!
I really emphasize the legs part because I think Madeline should skip her menacing, evil dragon stage and skip straight to the chimera stage, if that even exists. What can they do but say no? What do I have to lose by asking?
And again, the doorknob glows and I get excited.
But then, again, it disappears. Poof! Just gone!
“Oh, come on!” I wail at the ceiling. “It wasn’t that bad! And she was born a human.” Technically not true. “She was born a chimera!” I shake my fist at the ceiling. “She has earned a break just like me!”
The dungeon gods do not respond.
“Very well.” I take a deep breath and inject some resolve into my rapidly deflating state of confidence. “I shall try again.”
I go back to the nest, sit down, and think up another one.
This one is much better. And as I walk over to the wall of doorknobs, I decide to pay a little homage to the dungeon gods for their wisdom in denying me the first two times.
Third time’s a charm, though. Everyone knows that.
“You dungeon gods really know what you’re doing, don’t you? So wise, and… perfect… and…” Fuck it. “Here we go.” I focus on the doorknob gem with intent this time, narrowing my eyes and clenching my jaw.
Oh, gods of greatness and of gifts
Give me a new life and make it swift
Thousands of years I have served
Loyal, humble, and reserved.
This time the whole wall glows brilliant red and pink, kinda blinking in and out, throwing off magnificent shadows.
And I’m jumping up and down, clapping my hands with excitement, practically patting myself on the back, when they all disappear.
My mouth drops open. “What the—”
I refuse to believe it.
This cannot be happening.
How could I have the world at my fingertips in one moment, and then be woefully stripped of all opportunity the next?
“It’s not fair!” I yell this at the dungeon ceiling. “And you know what, you shitbag gods? I’m tired of this! I’m done. I will save my family and you will help me, or I will—”
In my experience threats are almost never the way to go. So I pause here and take a breath. I turn away, pace a little, mumble curses—but only to myself—and calm down.
Clearly, I am going about this the wrong way.
Perhaps my overly… how should I put it? Overly… boastful blustering is a bit much?
I am not really a man of honor. I mean, I want to be. This is my goal, of course. It’s just the life I’ve lived hasn’t given me a lot of chances to be a man of honor. I’m not really good or great, either. That’s a goal of mine as well. But I’m not evil. Not anymore. I’ve been passively neutral for a very long time now.
Shouldn’t that count?
Apparently not.
“But I am loyal!” I shake my fist at the ceiling. “I’m very, very loyal! I will do anything to help save my friends!”
But… would I? I mean, Pell did ask for my door and I did tell him no. But it’s the only one I’ve got. And there was another route to his tomb. It’s not like it was the only answer. Just the obvious one.
I feel justified in denying him.
And it’s not like I haven’t done anything around here. I’ve saved the sanctuary. Twice! Even Pie said so.