Total pages in book: 102
Estimated words: 99540 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 498(@200wpm)___ 398(@250wpm)___ 332(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 99540 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 498(@200wpm)___ 398(@250wpm)___ 332(@300wpm)
At least, that’s what my therapist told me, but I don’t know if that’s true in my case.
I take a deep breath and stare down the door I once walked through clutching that same boy’s hand. This time it’ll be different. I won’t ever let a boy trick me like that again.
Clutching my books close to my heart, I push past the door and enter the big hallway to our school. Kids are bustling all around, people are chatting near the lockers and going up and down the stairs, and watching them go about their daily lives is overwhelming.
Because all this time, I stood still.
Going to intense therapy for so long really did a number on me.
But I know I can do this. This is still the same school as it always was. At least, that’s what I tell myself while I walk down the hallway, trying to keep my bearings.
I feel as though everyone’s looking at me, and it’s making me uneasy.
The more steps I take, the more the buzzing hallway grows silent.
And when I look up, several students gape at me as though I’m a living ghost. But it’s just me.
I’m now that girl.
That girl who was used by a boy named Bobby. Whose drunken, drug-induced haze was put on camera for all the world to see. That video of him doing all those disgusting things to my body was shared around the school as though it meant nothing. As though my life meant nothing to them, and it was all a cheap trick to get some laughs and attention.
And it hurts … because all these students are still looking at me.
That one video is etched into their brains like a permanent tattoo, and nothing I do or say will erase it from their minds.
It doesn’t matter that Bobby went to juvie. It doesn’t matter that Lila, who helped spread the videos and brought him his victims, is also doing community service.
None of it will undo what happened to me.
And all these people know who I am … and what happened to this girl.
And I stop moving in the middle of the hallway. I’m frozen to the floor, my body shaking. This isn’t me. I was the bubbly girl, the girl who took every challenge head-on, who wasn’t afraid of anything, and certainly not any boy. But that was the old Monica. And the old Monica no longer exists. All that’s left is a broken shell of the girl she once was.
And I feel it in my bones—everyone’s looking at me, judging me. They’re whispering things I can’t hear, but I know they’re talking about me.
Tears stain my eyes, and I blink them away. I told myself I could do this, that I was ready, but am I really? Am I really willing to fake my way through my education and pretend nothing ever happened?
No.
I turn around.
I can’t. I just can’t.
My feet march faster than tears can flow, and I quickly make my way outside again so I can breathe.
“Mo?”
Sam’s voice makes my heart shudder, and I turn my head.
She’s standing near the door, clutching her bag over her shoulder. That same worry is in her eyes that’s always there when she knows I’m in deep shit.
I don’t think I’ve ever been in deeper shit, and we both know it.
“Are you okay?” she asks.
She wouldn’t be my best friend if she didn’t know exactly what to ask to make me fall apart.
And I shake my head, tears flowing freely. “No. I can’t do this. I can’t go back.”
When Mom opens my door, I sit up straight in bed. The book I was reading drops to the floor. I try not to look guilty, but I know I do. After running from school, I’ve been home all day, avoiding the inevitable, and she knows.
“Mom, I—”
She holds up a hand. “No more excuses.”
I lower my eyes. I got caught in the act. I’m not trying to hide it. I just … wish I could’ve kept my promise to her.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
She sighs and sits down on the bed, grabbing my arm. “Stop apologizing.”
“I promised you I’d try. But …” I rub my lips together. “When I saw all those people, I just froze.”
“Oh, honey,” she murmurs, pulling me in for a big hug. “I know things have been hard on you. I’m so sorry it has to be like this.” Her body grows rigid. “If I could get my hands on that boy, I would’ve strangled him myself.”
“Mom!” I gasp, leaning away to look at her.
She grabs my face with both hands. “You know I’d do anything to protect you. And I’m sorry I failed you.”
Tears stain my eyes. “You didn’t fail me. But I can’t … I can’t go back there.”
She gives me a heart-wrenching smile. “I know, honey.”