Total pages in book: 25
Estimated words: 22898 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 114(@200wpm)___ 92(@250wpm)___ 76(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 22898 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 114(@200wpm)___ 92(@250wpm)___ 76(@300wpm)
I turn off the stove and move to sit across from her at the table. “What I intended to do doesn’t matter. Spending time with you is what I want to do now.”
“I don’t want you to resent me for taking over your life.”
“I’d never resent you. You haven't taken over anything, except in a good way.”
She sucks in a breath.
“Yeah, I came up here alone. Because my family had other plans. Finding you changed things, and honestly? I’m glad it did. I would have been bored of hunting alone real fast.”
“Mac, you don’t need to spend all your time with me. I’ll be okay.”
I shake my head. “But I want to, at least right now. If we’re together for the rest of our lives, I’m sure that there will be plenty of time for me to be alone and ponder my own thoughts. Right now though, I want to be here with you.”
Her eyes go wide midway through my reply to her.
Did I really just say ‘together for the rest of our lives’?
I cringe. That’s coming on a little hard, I guess.
“It’s all just a bit too much too fast, Mac. I don’t want to think about decades from now. I need to think about now. And I need time alone. Maybe you should go off and hunt. For yourself. And for me.”
I let out a long breath. Yeah, I’m coming on too strong when it comes to affection. Being sweet to her brings me so much joy, more than I could ever explain. But she’s her own human being and she needs her space.
“If that’s what you want, Merit, that’s what you’ll get.”
With much less enthusiasm, I finish making breakfast. Despite the sugar of the pancakes and the maple syrup, it ends up a kind of bland meal.
Merit remains dour. Something has shaken her up. I hate seeing her like this. Seeing her pain bugs me to no end.
Nevertheless, after breakfast I throw on my bright orange vest, pick up my rifle and supplies, and look her way. She’s on the couch, holding her knees, all curled up. I wish I knew what to say to break her out of her funk.
Hopefully it’s just a bad day for her. Everyone has bad days, after all. Everything could be going perfect for you, and then boom, some random brain chemistry fuck-up happens and you just feel awful for no real reason. Just a weird part of being human.
“Take care of yourself, Merit. Everything here is for you to use, do what you can to put a smile on your face again,” I say at the door.
“Thanks.” It’s all she says to me before I step outside and walk down the porch stairs.
I don’t even know where to begin to hunt.
My heart just isn’t in it.
But I’ll try anyway. What the hell else am I gonna do?
10
MERIT
More than anything, I feel like a bitch for basically telling him to back off.
I rock back and forth in front of the extinguished fireplace, just filled with ennui. There’s a TV in the other room, but I wonder if they even have a signal. I never wanted to check when I was here alone, afraid someone would hear the noise or see the light and come check it out.
There’s a satellite dish on the cabin, but is it functioning? This is a vacation home, Mac said.
Not that I really want to watch TV anyway. I just want something to distract me from my troubling thoughts.
Why am I pushing away the one man who has done so much for me? The only man who has shown me such incredible kindness? Never once have I doubted his sincerity. Mac Rough spoke of forever and he meant it completely.
It’s too much like a fairy tale. Too much like a dream.
It’s not like I’m absolutely convinced that life has to be terrible. The past ten years have been, yes. But I remember being a kid and going to the beach. Drinking soda pop and eating ice cream. The world never ended or fell apart like my parents believed. It’s still out there. Waiting for me.
And Mac is more than willing to be by my side while I go and explore it.
I’m afraid of waking up. Finding out that all this time I’ve still been trapped in the compound, about to be wed to that man-child Gregory. Nothing more than my father’s servant and asset.
This isn’t some weird dream sequence though. I’ve slapped myself more than enough times that I should have woken up by now if it was.
Mac loves me. He adores me.
And I love him.
It’s scary. It’s sudden, but it’s damn true.
And seeing him so dejected as I told him to leave me alone this morning hurt me so much.
I need to apologize. Do something for him.