Total pages in book: 126
Estimated words: 122030 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 610(@200wpm)___ 488(@250wpm)___ 407(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 122030 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 610(@200wpm)___ 488(@250wpm)___ 407(@300wpm)
I don’t know what time it is when I find myself under Casey’s window. Late. I toss fallen pinecones and pebbles at the glass until she appears, yanking it open.
“Jesus, Fenn,” she hisses. “What the hell are—” She stops abruptly. Aghast at the brutal image I make. “Are you okay? What happened to you?”
It sort of breaks my heart that she still musters any concern at all.
I hold up my phone. “Will you pick up when I call you? I don’t want to shout at your window and wake the house.”
“I don’t think you should be—”
“I went to the lake because Gabe texted me during prom to meet him at the boathouse. That’s what I was trying to tell you the other night before your dad interrupted us.”
She blinks a couple of times. Then says, “Let me get my phone.”
I call her number, and she picks up on the first ring, reappearing at the window. She’s in those pink PJs that I love so much, her strawberry-blond hair pulled away from her pretty face in a low ponytail.
“Gabe was dealing that night, so we didn’t really get a chance to hang out. He was ready to bounce by then, though. Suggested we get high in the boathouse. I was already wasted by that point, but I was like, sure, I’m down.”
The words come out so quietly, I can barely hear them in my own head over the tinnitus ringing in my ears. I guess this is what disassociating feels like. I’m outside my body, a stream of consciousness emanating from somewhere deep in my psyche that I’m not entirely in control of.
“When I got there, Gabe was nowhere to be seen. Instead, I saw the back end of your car sticking out of the water. Red taillights. I jumped in to check if there was anyone in there and found you.”
Casey watches me, riveted. Her mouth is slightly open. Eyes wide and terrified like they were that night.
“After I got the door open and was trying to get your seat belt off, I noticed a jacket caught on the parking brake. It was lying across the driver’s side. Whoever was wearing it, they slipped out of it to escape.” I briefly close my eyes. Well, eye. The other one is already swelling shut. “I saw the jacket and immediately knew who it belonged to. It was Gabe’s.”
Her face goes pale. I can almost read the images forcing their way forward. The flashbacks that startle her awake screaming in the middle of the night. Her brain constantly dragging her back into that water. Now, I know she’s seeing Gabe’s face beside her in that car.
“So I took the jacket and pulled you out. Carried you to shore. Found your phone in your pocket and texted Sloane where to find you. Then I left and caught a ride back to Sandover. Hid the jacket as the only thing that could tie Gabe to the accident. And never told a soul until now.”
More than anything, I wish I’d been a better person then. That I’d understood what my choices meant.
“I was protecting my best friend,” I admit regretfully. “Gabe covered my ass with the cops a couple years ago, and I owed him. My loyalty was with him that night. I didn’t know you then, and I’m sorry. I wish I had.”
There’s an urgency in her expression, like she wants to speak but her throat is sealed shut. I don’t give her the chance.
“I came to say goodbye. I finally realize the gravity of what I did to you, Case. I broke you. Stole everything that was good from you. Drove you to Lawson. It’s my fault, and I understand that. And I’m done bothering you, chasing you. No more begging for second chances. You were right. I need to grow up.”
Casey wipes at her cheek. “I wasn’t trying to hurt you.”
“I know. I deserve it.” I swallow the pain seizing my throat. “I really do love you.”
“I know you do.” Her voice is barely a whisper.
“That’s why I have to walk away.”
And that’s what I do.
I walk away and I don’t look back.
Back at the dorm, I call a car then go upstairs to grab a shirt. RJ’s already in bed asleep and doesn’t so much as roll over before I leave again.
Sitting on the curb outside in the parking lot, my resolve hardens. For months, I had every chance to do the right thing. To tell Casey what happened. To stop myself from getting tangled up in her life where I had no business intruding. But I was selfish. Delusional. Constantly finding the rationale to excuse every boundary I broke, while knowing full well I would ruin her. Irrevocably. Steal her faith in humanity and turn her into another jaded, bitter girl destroyed by her piece-of-shit boyfriend.