Total pages in book: 78
Estimated words: 75285 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 376(@200wpm)___ 301(@250wpm)___ 251(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 75285 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 376(@200wpm)___ 301(@250wpm)___ 251(@300wpm)
I ran up the splintering porch steps and into my cabin. I shivered from the cold and stopped to light a fire in the ancient fireplace. So far, it seemed to be one of the only things in the damn place that was still in good working order. I made note that I’d have to get some more wood soon. I’d been spending so much time at Brian’s place that I hadn’t had any stacked.
It looked that like was about to change.
I’d lost him.
Brian was gone.
“Amanda?”
I sat heavily on the couch as Sarah’s voice came on the line. I clutched my phone to my ear and desperately wished that she was sitting here with me instead of seven hundred miles away in New York City..
“He’s gone,” I said. “He told me to go home,” I said.
“Wait, what? Slow down Amanda. Take a deep breath and talk to me,” Sarah said.
“He didn’t even tell me to come back soon. He just told me to go,” I said.
“Hey, hey, hey. Calm down. What do you mean? What happened?”
I sniffled as I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to warm my numbing body.
“I fell for him, Sarah. I actually allowed myself to do it.”
“I know you did,” Sarah said. “I know you did.”
“Why couldn’t he talk with me?” I asked. “Why couldn’t he just talk about it?”
“Because men don’t like emotions,” she said. “Because men are dicks.”
“Big dicks,” I said.
“Yep. They’re big dicks with small dicks.”
I laughed despite myself. This was why I had called Sarah. No matter what was going on in my life, she always found a way to make me feel better. I took a deep breath and blew it out.
“Have you told him how you felt?” she asked.
“No. He never even gave me a chance. He was out for a walk to clear his head. When he came back in, he told me to go. I don’t know what the fuck could have happened on that walk, but something did.”
“Maybe he’s just freaking out because of everything going on. He’s got this custody thing on his mind and then his warehouse burns down. Maybe he’s just preoccupied,” Sarah offered, though she didn’t really sound like she believed her own words.
“But he was the one who asked me to get married, not the other way around,” I said. “I don’t know, Sarah. I’m just so confused.”
“I get it,” she commiserated. “I wish I was still there so we could order a pizza and watch a Die Hard marathon like we used to in college when we were feeling down. You know Bruce Willis always makes us feel better.”
I chuckled. “I don’t even have a damn TV in this place,” I complained, looking around at my surroundings.
“Ewww,” Sarah said. “What the fuck have you been doing with yourself?” she asked.
“Spending a lot of time with Brian and Lanie,” I answered.
“Well, now it’s time for you to get your shit together girl. You left Daryl and struck out on your own, to be who you want to be. So be her! Fix that place up if that’s what you want or sell it and move somewhere else. This is your time Amanda; don’t you forget that.”
I knew she was right. This was my time. I had made this move because I had needed a big change in my life. It was time to stop moping and make something happen. Otherwise, everything Daryl had said about me would be right.
I just wish it didn’t hurt so damn much.
CHAPTER 26
Brian
I watched Amanda run back to her house from my living room window. I knew she was hurt and I knew she was confused. I felt bad that I had been the one to make her feel those things, but I needed some space so that I could logically think about what the hell was supposed to come next.
That was the thing about Amanda. I couldn't think when I was around her. She reduced me to a pile of blubbering man parts whenever she looked at me. My brain would stop, and the only thing that would start thinking was my cock. And that, sure as shit, wasn’t going to get me custody of Lanie. Only my intelligence, my strength, and my fortitude were going to get me Lanie, and those things went out the fucking window every time those hips swayed.
That evening after putting Lanie to bed amid a barrage of questions about when Amanda was coming back, I paced my living room, watching the lights go on and off in Amanda’s cabin. The light in the living room blinked off, then the light in the kitchen. A thin curl of smoke rose from the chimney as the light to the bedroom in the back finally blinked out as well.
I found myself wondering if she was warm enough, if she had enough wood to keep the fire going. Was she still angry? Worst of all, was she still hurt? Because of me? Finally, I shook the thoughts from my head and headed to bed myself. There was no use in me playing this game with myself tonight. There was nothing I could do about it now.