Total pages in book: 59
Estimated words: 75754 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 379(@200wpm)___ 303(@250wpm)___ 253(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 75754 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 379(@200wpm)___ 303(@250wpm)___ 253(@300wpm)
Lily finally turned her eyes to me.
“We found out the sex of the baby.” she smiled, eyes happy. “And…picked a name.”
My stomach clenched.
Again, it wasn’t that I wasn’t happy for Lily and Dante…it was just that it was hard to hear about other people getting their happily every after’s, when I didn’t.
What was a gut punch to the stomach was what Lily said next.
“It’s another girl, and we’ve decided to name her Jade Ruthann,” she smiled.
“Ohhh,” I whispered. “That’s beautiful. Congratulations.”
What were the odds that she’d choose the name that I was to use all those years ago?
I was surprised I didn’t choke on those words.
“I have to use the bathroom. I’ll be right back,” I whispered, hurrying out of the booth and hurrying to the bathroom.
Lucky for me that I didn’t have to go to the public bathroom.
Since we’d decided to have lunch at Halligans and Handcuffs, I was able to slip through the kitchen door and head to the back bathroom without anyone the wiser.
Well…kind of.
I knew Silas saw me.
He saw everything.
His eyes clocked me the moment I walked into the kitchen.
His office was set in the back of the kitchen, and he could see the door from where he was sitting.
He started to stand, but I shook my head at him and practically fell into the bathroom, slamming the door as I went.
I dropped down the toilet lid through tear filled eyes and stared at my hands as I dropped down on top of it.
God, it still hurt so bad.
I could practically feel the way her tiny body had filled my hands.
I’d been able to hold her for hours before they’d finally come for her.
During that time I’d given my police report, with her in my hands, under the devastated detectives’ sympathetic gazes.
I’d dressed her in her tiny newborn outfit that didn’t fit her in the slightest.
Wrapped her in the tiny blanket that I’d intended to cover her in as we brought her home from the hospital.
And I’d done it all alone.
Lily and Dante had been half way around the world where Dante had been stationed in Germany in the Army.
They’d married a week or two before I’d told Bender that I was pregnant, all because of Dante’s orders to be stationed at the Army base in Heidelberg, Germany.
I didn’t have contact with her in well over eight months, and I’d been so excited to introduce her to my daughter.
So I knew it wasn’t Lily’s fault.
She had no clue what was wrong with me- at least not from my own recounting.
Had no clue why I’d killed Bender…not really.
She hadn’t been able to make it home for the trial, and what little she did know about the entire situation was what I’d told her had happened.
And I think she did know. Or suspected. But she gave me that out, allowed me have my secrets, and let me be.
She knew I’d killed Bender in self-defense…what she didn’t know was that it’d been because I was consumed with grief over him killing my child.
The one piece of me that was good…and pure.
I didn’t realize that my sobs had become so gut wrenching until a knock sounded on the door.
“You okay?” A muffled male voice called from the other side.
Silas.
“Yeah,” I choked out.
“You don’t sound okay,” Silas challenged.
“I’m fine,” I lied.
I heard something that sounded distinctly similar to ‘fucking hardheaded women,’ but I couldn’t be sure.
“Call me if you need me,” Silas ordered.
I nodded, even though he couldn’t see me.
“Okay,” I said through another sob.
I could practically hear him sigh through the door, and a small smile started to spread on my lips.
I really loved Silas.
I loved him for Sawyer.
Loved that he treated my good friend with the tenderness that she deserved.
I didn’t like that he was putting his nose into my business.
I craved independence like crops need rain.
I’d become so accustomed to doing what I was told to do, that sometimes I didn’t even realize I was following orders until I’d already followed them and couldn’t unfollow them.
However, these men…these Dixie Wardens…they gave me the independence that I craved, and always watched over me.
Something Sterling had said would happen.
‘We look out for our own…and baby, you’re mine.’
That’d come out of Sterling’s mouth the night before as we’d been lying in bed discussing the politics of motorcycle clubs.
I let my head fall back as I thought about all that I had to think about.
I’d made the decision to move out of my rental, and the couple I’d rented from had already agreed to let me rent another place that was about ten minutes from town.
Something I’d been intending to tell Sterling, seeing as I was supposed to be moved out by the end of the week.
I’d also gotten Dane, with his huge car hauler, to help me move.
Tonight, after I got home from my lunch with Lily, I’d start packing boxes I’d gotten from the local super market.
Then when I was ready, I’d be moving to the new house.
Although the only one I could get on this short of notice and not break my lease was one just a street over from the one I was at now.
A new set of neighbors would mean less problems…hopefully.
With quick thinking, I texted Lily that I was going home on account of I forgot about a pest control appointment, unlocked the bathroom door, and then eyed the window in the corner of the bathroom.
It was directly behind the toilet, so I used the metal trashcan beside the toilet to stand on, and unlocked the window.
It slid open easily, and luckily it had a large enough ledge to allow me to straddle the opening, allowing me to not fall, and instead slide out rather gracefully.
I landed on the concrete besides the building with nearly silent feet, and then turned to close the window.
Once I had it closed, I turned and started walking towards my car, ignoring the group of men that’d gathered outside the bar as I did.
It was Friday night, so it didn’t surprise me in the least that there was already a line waiting to get in the door.