Total pages in book: 62
Estimated words: 60931 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 305(@200wpm)___ 244(@250wpm)___ 203(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 60931 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 305(@200wpm)___ 244(@250wpm)___ 203(@300wpm)
“No, it just … I … I need to move it.”
“Shh …” Wrapping her arm around me, my mom kisses the side of my head. “You’re having a panic attack. Try to breathe through your nose slowly. Count with me. One. Two. Three. Four. Hold it … Now, exhale. One. Two. Three. Four.”
Shaun turns on the television. “Let’s get your mind on something else. Okay?” He picks out a movie we’ve watched together and plays it.
I breathe in … and out. And my mom keeps breathing with me, rubbing my back, stroking my hair. And eventually, I fall back to sleep.
Over the following weeks, I have nightly panic attacks, and my mom does her thing to help me through them. Shaun suggests I see my doctor to get something, but I don’t want to take any more medication.
I feel myself slipping into a depression because I’m so tired of feeling this way and hobbling around on crutches. And as if the universe knows I need something, I get a text.
Eric: The kiss was good. Nothing creepy
Eric: U weren’t the world’s worst girlfriend. U weren’t even MY worst girlfriend
Eric: If u write that book of regrets, I’ll read it. And I’ll give it five stars
Eric: Ur seeing me again right now
He sends a picture of himself. It’s a goofy, toothy mugshot.
I laugh. It’s been too long since I’ve laughed.
Eric: I don’t think I have a girlfriend. No one I’ve asked to go steady
Eric: I could never h8 u
How do I respond? I’m as giddy as can be, nearly shaking with excitement.
Anna: Thank you <3
Eric: UR welcome
“What’s that look all about?” Mom asks, glancing up from her book.
“What look?” Even while I speak, I can’t wipe the grin from my face.
“Must be that Eric guy,” Shaun says from his usual perch at the kitchen island. He sounds a little grumpy about it.
When I shoot him the evil eye, he winks. Okay, he’s not grumpy.
“Who’s Eric?” Mom asks.
Here’s the thing …
I told no one about B. Ashton except Eric. No reason. She died. We ended. There was no need to further my embarrassment.
“Do you remember when we lived in Des Moines, and I dated a guy who liked climbing, but he didn’t like my favorite book?”
“Wait. What?” Shaun completely turns around.
I ignore him. This isn’t any of his beeswax.
Mom twists her lips. “Yeah, sort of.”
“Well, he’s a blogger slash journalist now, and he got the assignment to get an exclusive interview with me about saving those kids. We didn’t exactly end on good terms, so things were awkward, but I think we're good now.”
“He’s the reason you were smiling like that?” Mom gives me a knowing grin.
“I wasn’t smiling like anything. I was just smiling. A pleasant expression. No big deal.”
“Let’s back up. Is that why you and Eric broke up? He didn’t like your favorite book?” Shaun prods.
“Don’t you have work to do?” I give him a tight grin.
“Nope. I’m all caught up and all ears.”
Mom rolls her eyes. “Anna broke up with him because she got a job offer in Nashville. Right, honey?” She has so much trust in her eyes.
Shaun … not so much.
“It’s not uncommon for differing points of view to be dealbreakers in relationships,” I say like it’s no big deal.
“I’m not following,” Mom says, sliding a bookmark into her book and setting it aside.
“She broke up with a guy over a book.” Shaun chuckles. My roommate has come to know me too well.
“Not a book.” I cover my face with my hands. “My book,” I mumble.
“What are you talking about?” Mom asks.
My hands flop to the arms of the recliner. “Do you remember I had you read my favorite book, The Last Person by B. Ashton?”
She nods. “Yeah, I vaguely remember. I can’t remember if I liked it.”
“You didn’t.” I frown. “I am … was B. Ashton.”
They say nothing. I get empty stares and heavy blinks. I would react similarly if my mom told me she wrote a novel I didn’t know about.
“You published a book?” Shaun breaks the silence.
“I self-published a book. Then in a weak moment, my insanity bred with my ego, and I made the most regrettable decision to submit it to a publisher.” I frown. “Actually, that wasn’t the most regrettable decision I made. That would have been the day I decided to choose my book for the book club at our apartment, but I didn’t tell anyone.”
My poor mother looks betrayed, and it feeds this recently resurrected guilt.
“Let me get this straight. Eric didn’t like a book he didn’t know you wrote?” Shaun asks.
I nod.
“Anna … you … you wrote a book?” Mom stutters past her confusion. “Why didn’t you tell me and your dad?”
“At first, I was afraid that no one would like it, hence using a pen name and self-publishing it. I was testing the waters. Then I got some good reviews on the book, so I decided to submit it to a publisher. By then, I wanted to wait for a reply from the publisher before I told anyone. It killed me to keep it a secret. I spent an insufferable amount of time writing the story. It felt like a part of my soul resided in those pages.”