Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 76381 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 382(@200wpm)___ 306(@250wpm)___ 255(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 76381 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 382(@200wpm)___ 306(@250wpm)___ 255(@300wpm)
“It’s okay,” Morgaine assured me. “It’s just… it’s all part of it. The beginning is going to be the worst. Don’t be upset if she seems to regress to hiding in her nest again for a bit.”
“She’ll go back, though, right?”
“She said she would be back overmorrow for her next session.”
“Okay,” I said, sucking in a deep breath. “I don’t know if I should go to her or leave her alone,” I admitted as I cut the engine.
“Normally, I’d say that the last thing she needs is a man around right now. But I’ve seen how she is with you. I think she sees you as her protector, as her security blanket. I think she’d want you right now.”
I didn’t need more assurance than that.
I all but flew upstairs, having to force myself to slow down as I got to the door, knocking on it with the same pattern as I always did, so she knew it was me, then moving inside.
She was in her nest as Morgaine predicted, cuddling Vernon to her chest.
“Hey, darlin’,” I said, pitching my voice softer. “Can I get you anything?” I asked. And it was a normal question from me, something I asked her multiple times a day, so she wouldn’t take it as pity coming from me.
“Can you just… sit with me for a while?” she asked, gaze still downcast.
“Sure,” I agreed, moving over toward the couch.
“No,” she said, making me stiffen. “No, um… here?” she asked, gesturing toward the empty side of the bed.
I wasn’t exactly sure how I felt about that. But, well, it wasn’t really my place to say, was it? This was her show. I would play whatever part she needed from me.
So I kicked out of my shoes, and walked over to the other side of the bed, climbing in but being careful not to touch her.
I ended up not needing to worry about that, though. Because as soon as I was on the bed, she released Vernon who rushed to go clean himself near the windows, then she turned and all but flung herself onto my chest just as she let out a deep sob that I swear tore my fucking heart clear out of my chest.
I wasn’t good with tears. I had no real experience with them. I’d been raised mostly around men. I spent almost all of my time around other men. Sure, I enjoyed time with women. But fun time. Not hold someone while they cried time.
I didn’t know what to do with my hands. What to say as her tears started to soak through my shirt, but showed no signs of drying up as her small body racked hard with the sobs.
I slowly slid my fingers toward her hair, gently stroking down the soft strands. When she didn’t tense or pull away, I just kept doing that. Eventually, my other arm drifted around her back, holding her against me when she didn’t try to move away.
I didn’t try to tell her it was okay.
It wasn’t.
Nothing about what happened to her was okay.
So I told her the only thing that was true, that would, as far as I was concerned, would always be true.
“I’m right here.”
She sobbed for what felt like hours until, eventually, she cried herself right to sleep.
It was a pattern that continued as she kept going to therapy. She shut down on the way home, just trying to hold herself together. Then she asked me to sit with her on the bed, she crawled up onto my chest, and she let herself fall apart.
As much as it fucking killed me, made me want to tell Morgaine to fuck off with this therapy shit, because it just seemed to be making her worse, as the days went on, she cried a little less hard. Then, not much at all. Until, the week of Christmas, she just curled up on my chest and let me hold her.
And, fuck, I had the craziest goddamn thought right then.
I never wanted to let her go.
That was dangerous thinking, no matter how much my feelings for Vienna had grown since that first day.
I mean, for fuck’s sake, I’d been spending the time she was in therapy sitting on my phone, ordering a ton of shit for her for Christmas.
I usually kind of struggled buying gifts for the women, needing a little coaxing from their men or Colter. But it was easy with Vienna, this woman whose entire life was ripped away from her, who had nothing of her own, apart from some clothes and books.
Up in the former attic, I had stacks of items that I needed to get my ass up there to wrap.
“Hey, darlin’,” I said as Vienna came walking downstairs. “What are you up to?” I asked.
It wasn’t like she had a thriving social life or anything, but she hung out with the girls a lot now—making earrings or other little projects with Morgaine, watching Murphy build weapons, playing with the dogs with Delaney, or even taking self-defense lessons with Nyx.