Total pages in book: 111
Estimated words: 111038 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 555(@200wpm)___ 444(@250wpm)___ 370(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 111038 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 555(@200wpm)___ 444(@250wpm)___ 370(@300wpm)
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“It’s an intense situation.”
I laughed, the sound hollow.
“I heard everything you said, but I don’t understand why you won’t ask your mother. I want to push you to do it, but I’m trying to respect you and meet you where you are, so help me. Help me understand.”
It was goddamn simple.
“Because if I do, I open that door to all the other demons in there, and I’m not ready. I’m not ready to hate my mom, and I know that’s what will happen. If I hate her, he wins. That piece of shit won’t ever win and get between my mom and me. I won’t let him. I won’t lose her.”
She drew in a breath, as if seeing me in a different light. She nodded. “Okay. I got it now.” Another slow bob of her head. “So when you’re ready, you’ll ask her. And Blaise, you won’t lose her. Ever.”
My throat swelled up. It was an irrational thought. I could recognize that, insight was a bitch, but it was there. I’d treated my mom like crap the last few months, but that would’ve been different.
I slumped further into my chair. “Or when she’s ready, she’ll tell me.”
“And until then—”
“He can’t win,” I told her again. “He doesn’t win.”
“Got it.”
“Good.”
Because that made one of us.
I didn’t get it. I didn’t know if I’d ever get it.
51
Aspen
I was excited, but sad and also nervous, all at the same time.
It was move-in weekend. That meant I’d found my dorm, and my room. I’d met my roommate and my floormates. I’d met my resident advisor. And even though I already knew the campus and had done a tour last fall, I got my schedule and walked through all the buildings. My parents were with me. Nate came too. But shortly after we arrived, he disappeared. He said he knew a few people who had remained local, so off he went.
He’d wanted to show me the house he used to live in when he went to Cain, but I already knew about it. It was now rented to Blaise’s brother, Bren, and their group of friends. They’d had a shindig there last night, and I knew Blaise had gone with Zeke, who—according to social media—had found out two days ago that he was attending Cain after all.
I wasn’t sure what had happened there, because I’d thought he was going here all along, but he seemed happy in his post. I was glad Blaise would have him here too. There were other pictures with both Blaise and Zeke in them, but I was trying not to think about it. Blaise had said he wouldn’t fuck anyone else, and I had no reason not to trust him, so I was trusting him.
I also knew he’d had a soccer match earlier today, and the girls were going to be a thing. Just going to the bathroom on campus, I’d overheard girls talking about the soccer team. “I know football is always a big deal,” one had said. “But I swear, we’ve never had that hottie on our soccer team before.”
Blaise had said he was a big deal in the sport at his other high school, and it only took an email for him to get into Cain because of soccer. I mean, I saw him play and he’d only been kicking the ball around by himself so I got it. I understood the excitement.
This was a preview of what was to come.
Nervousness, excitement, and sadness chased each other through me once again. Could I be overthinking things? Maybe.
I just missed him.
“So…” My roommate turned to me, a wide smile on her face.
I’d just come back up after goodbye hugs and kisses with my parents. Nate had texted that he was still around and would see me for brunch tomorrow before heading off, but until then, here I was. Back in my room. Saturday evening—nowhere to go and maybe a guy I should be calling, but I kinda wanted him to call me. But he didn’t know I was even here, so I was being a little irrational, and I didn’t care.
“So.” I smiled back at my roommate.
Her name was Jade, and she seemed super cool. Straight black hair that hung at her chin. Dark eyes. An angular shaped face that could’ve stepped off a Bravo television show. I knew some girls might’ve hated her, but I’d never been like that.
I’d been around models before, so I could instantly read who was going to be catty and insecure. Jade wasn’t like one of those girls. There was a laid-back aura about her.
Her closet door was open, and once I closed the door to the room behind me, she wheeled backward on her desk chair. She had a bottle of Jameson in one hand and a bottle of rum in the other. “What’s your drink of choice, roommate?”