Total pages in book: 94
Estimated words: 88293 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 441(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 88293 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 441(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
Because I had work to do.
The drive from Seattle to Rocky Point, Wyoming had taken nearly twelve hours, but instead of getting the rest my body was demanding when I’d finally spied the lone light on the slight rise as I’d crested the last pass, I’d immediately started putting my plans into motion. Not having Tate as part of the equation anymore would make finding Buck and Denny much more difficult, but what I couldn’t get with a few subtle questions, I could take with brute force. Someone in Lulling would tell me where the bastards were one way or another.
From the moment I’d admitted to Ronan that I’d lost not only my wife, but my son as well, I’d been a man possessed. Only I hadn’t had anyone or anything to take my rage out on, so I’d drowned myself in alcohol in the small, secluded motel I was staying at. Ronan had called me several times and left messages asking me to go to Matty’s first appointment with the oncologist or to join them for dinner, but I hadn’t called him back. I hadn’t wanted to see Matty and I definitely hadn’t wanted to see Tate. And not only because my growing need for the other man was slowly driving me crazy. No, I hadn’t wanted to see either of them because that fucking voice had gotten louder and louder in my head.
My wife’s voice.
My beautiful, gentle wife who’d given up everything to be with me. My wife who’d been carrying the child we’d been trying for years for.
And she’d kept saying the same three words over and over to me until the doubt grew like a cancer inside of me.
This isn’t you.
I’d done my best to ignore the words, but I’d heard them in every heartbeat, in every breath. I’d figured that if I set a timetable, the relentless torment would stop, so I’d sobered up long enough to get in my car and drive to Seattle in the dead of night so I could confront Tate and tell him when we were leaving. To my surprise, I hadn’t had any trouble finding out what room Matty was in because someone had put my name down as an authorized visitor. A little bit of sweet talk with one of the nurses had gotten me around the fact that at just past midnight, it was too late for visitors and I’d been led to Matty’s private room. She’d explained to me that the chemotherapy drugs were being administered to Matty while he was asleep and warned me not to wake him up. She’d also told me that Matty’s father was spending the nights with him.
I’d pushed open the door after steeling myself to face Tate, but all the pity for the man and his son that I’d forced away during my drive to the city had come roaring back when I’d seen Matty curled up on his side, his Spiderman doll and teddy bear clutched against his chest. There’d been only a small light on above Matty’s bed, but it’d been enough to see where the line from the IV bag entered his body through two cannulas that were sticking out of his skin beneath a huge bandage. I’d managed to quietly close the door behind me as my eyes had drifted to Tate who’d been asleep in a large chair next to Matty’s bed. His hand had been extended onto Matty’s bed, his fingers resting on one of the little boy’s arms.
I’d willed myself to wake Tate up and tell him we were leaving in a couple days, but instead of moving towards him, I’d gone to the other side of the room and dropped down into an identical chair to the one Tate had been sitting in and I’d watched them both sleep. I’d stayed until light began filtering through the window and as I’d gotten up to leave, I’d walked right up to Tate. But instead of shaking him awake, I’d merely stood there watching him sleep, his features relaxed. Right before I’d left, I’d run my fingers through his thick hair, marveling at its softness as it had curled around my fingers.
I’d spent the next day at Seth and Ronan’s house shredding my body in their gym in the hopes that the brutal workout would distract me from what I needed to do. And hours later when I’d made the trip to the city again, I’d been determined to follow through with my plan. Only that night ended up like the first one. And so went every night after that. At some point, Revay’s voice had quieted in my mind and when it was finally silent, I’d known it was time to finish what I’d started. So twenty-four hours ago when I’d walked out of Matty’s room, I’d let my fingers rest in Tate’s hair like I had all the other nights, but then I’d gone a step further and leaned down to brush my lips over his temple. He’d stirred just enough so that his lips were achingly close to mine and I’d finally given in to my need to taste him and had brushed my mouth over the corner of his. The result had been electric and it had taken everything in me to step away from him.