Total pages in book: 149
Estimated words: 138217 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 691(@200wpm)___ 553(@250wpm)___ 461(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 138217 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 691(@200wpm)___ 553(@250wpm)___ 461(@300wpm)
If Yakov had had any illusions about Psy under Silence, they lay in splinters at his feet—and Theo wasn’t done.
“As a child, I thought it was a game or that I was helping Grandfather’s friends get into their houses after they forgot their codes. Then the game changed. He gave me part of a car engine—I didn’t know what it was then—and told me to learn how to fragment a tiny piece hidden deep within. Such a small piece that even a 2.7 would have no trouble at all with the force required.
“In such a situation, it’s more about accuracy than strength.” Theo continued to refuse to look at him. “A lot of high-Gradient Tks can’t do subtle telekinesis. Their power is too unwieldy at that scale. Quite the opposite of mine. I felt important when he first told me that I might be able to be useful to the family after all. I thought he’d let me come home if I studied hard and did as he asked.”
Yakov’s claws thrust at the insides of his skin, wanting out, his bear enraged at this cynical and cruel manipulation of a child who’d just wanted to come home.
Theo carried on, as if she couldn’t stop now that she’d started. “I was given access to a private garage in my apartment building where I could go anytime to look at the right model of engine so I could memorize the position of the part. Spatial placement is critical to a Tk.”
Yakov felt a sick twisting in the pit of his stomach, but he didn’t interrupt. Theo needed to get this poison out of her system. She’d been carrying it around for far too long.
“Then one day, Grandfather picked me up and said we were going for a drive. He told me he was very pleased with my results when it came to the telekinetic test he’d set me. I was so happy. And after a while, I saw that we were behind the exact make and model of the car I’d been ordered to study, and he asked me to ‘disrupt’ that piece of the engine.”
Gaze still pinned to the Moscow skyline, her breathing ragged. “I said ‘No, Grandfather. That will break the car.’ Because I knew that by then. I’ve always been good at technical things and I’d looked up what that part meant. It was critical. Disabling it in high-speed transit would’ve meant certain death for the driver.”
“Bozhe, pchelka.” It was ground out through his teeth. “You were a damn baby!”
“I said no that day and another day.” Her shoulders hunched in. “But you see, Yakov, I stopped saying no at some point.” No distance in her voice now, just jagged shards rough and brutal. “I have only foggy memories of multiple years of my childhood . . . but when I came out of the fog, I did so with blood coating my hands. So much blood.”
“No, fuck no.” Yakov moved into her line of sight so she could no longer avoid his gaze. Then he took her chin between thumb and forefinger, because the two of them, they’d come to a silent understanding on a limited level of skin privileges. “You were manipulated and had your brain fucking rewired. This is not on you.”
Theo wanted to clutch at his words and never look back, but it wasn’t that easy. “Or is that what I want to believe, Yasha?” That affectionate diminutive of his name, it felt so easy on her tongue, as if she had the right to say it. “What if I said yes because I wanted to please him? What if I became a monster in order to earn the approval of a monster? And what if I don’t remember because I’m too ashamed to remember?”
Yakov’s chest rumbled, a distant thunderstorm. “You were a cub.” He said each word with delineated focus. “No matter what, you are not to blame.”
“But I need to know.” She found herself gripping the solid heft of his wrist, squeezing. “I need to know if what they did to me in that place made me more likely to say yes. I need to know what damage they burned into my neurons. Maybe then . . . maybe then, I can forgive myself.”
Forgiveness hadn’t even been a thought in her brain for years upon years, since the day she came out of the fog and understood the horror of what she’d become. “I’ve spent years tracking down murders tied to my powers. There are so many. It doesn’t matter that I was a child. The body count is too high for me to ever forgive if I chose that path.”
He made a deep rumbling sound this time, and then he was hauling her against him and wrapping her up in his arms, and she’d never in her life felt so warm and safe and protected. And though she’d spent a lifetime teaching herself to rely on no one, she clung on. “I need to know.” It came out a shaken whisper.