Total pages in book: 145
Estimated words: 140184 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 701(@200wpm)___ 561(@250wpm)___ 467(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 140184 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 701(@200wpm)___ 561(@250wpm)___ 467(@300wpm)
My stomach turns over and I shove those dark thoughts down. I focus on making French toast, and try not to feel sick as I plate it.
Unfortunately, my mind has already taken me down a path I didn’t want to go down and all I can think about now is showering.
I eat as quickly as I can, only a single slice of French toast since my appetite is so small right now, then I tell everyone I’m going upstairs to shower.
I shower in Milo’s bathroom, but when I look at the walls, they might as well be Jonathan’s, and he might as well be in here with me. His body trapping mine against the wall, the hot steam making the surface slippery as I tried to hold on…
I feel a little panicky by the time I emerge from the shower. My energy has dropped like a rock, and I can scarcely make myself finish drying off.
I climb back in bed even though I’m wet and wrapped in a bath towel. I need to feel safe, and I feel safest in Milo’s bed.
Well, I feel safest in his arms, but this bed that smells like him is a solid second place.
I didn’t plan to fall asleep, but when the bed sinks beneath a man’s weight and my eyes reluctantly open, it’s definitely evening. It’s dark outside the window, and I’m momentarily disoriented.
Frowning, I roll over, but my heart lightens when I remember where I am and see Milo lying on the bed with me.
“Hey, you,” I murmur sleepily, scooting over and cuddling up close.
He kisses my forehead, then eases back into his spot. “Did you have a good nap?”
“I did. What time is it?”
“A little after seven.”
I gasp. “What? Oh my god, I slept all day! I was supposed to be at work hours ago.”
He grabs my waist, stopping me from rolling off the bed in a panic. “You aren’t working tonight. I went there earlier while I was out with Jet and let them know you wouldn’t be back.”
I blink. “You mean I wouldn’t be in tonight.”
“No,” he says simply. “I said what I meant.”
“You quit my job for me?”
“I did.”
My jaw falls open. “You can’t quit my job for me.”
“And yet, I did.”
“Milo.”
He sighs. “I’m not comfortable with you working there, Kennedy. Your mom knows you work there, and right now I just want you to focus on feeling better. If you need to nap for most of the day, go for it. If you need to take three showers and just lie in the dark, do that. You’ll have enough responsibilities with school and just… coping. There’s no reason to waste your energy at a job you don’t need. It’s done now, so there’s no point arguing with me about it.”
I sigh. I’m not really annoyed I don’t have to keep working at a job I hated, but God, is he bossy. “Are you grumpy?” I ask, peering up at him.
“Probably. I haven’t slept well the past couple of nights.”
That’s obviously my fault.
“I’m sorry.” I pull closer to him, looking up at his handsome face. I feel immense guilt for the stress I’ve put him through. I want to ease it, so I reach up to caress his face, then I try to pull him in for a kiss.
He must feel me pulling, but he doesn’t lean in and kiss me.
My stomach twists up.
He doesn’t want to kiss me?
He hasn’t said a single thing to make me doubt he still wants to be with me, but this silence is teeming with doubt. Maybe they’re all mine, but there’s no way to tell.
The silence feels dangerous.
Our relationship right now is like a damaged ship on choppy waters, and I know he has been assuring me we’d get to shore, but what if that’s just what people say when they don’t want you to give up? He was afraid I was going to hurt myself. Can I really trust what he said? Even last night, it was so nice to connect sexually with him again, but Jonathan pushed him into that. It wasn’t Milo’s idea.
Am I pushing myself on him?
What if he doesn’t really want me anymore, he’s just too afraid to say that because he thinks I’m too fragile to handle it?
I replay some of the things he’s said about how he’ll always love me and he’ll always be there for me no matter what, how they’re my family now, and my security here will never be tied to a sexual relationship with a man—not even him.
I thought he was just being really amazing and supportive, but what if he was trying to inch out of this relationship?
My stomach feels sick again. I let my hand fall, not wanting to touch him when I feel like maybe it isn’t what he wants.