Total pages in book: 85
Estimated words: 77663 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 388(@200wpm)___ 311(@250wpm)___ 259(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 77663 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 388(@200wpm)___ 311(@250wpm)___ 259(@300wpm)
“Not to worry, no one will ever hear your life story from me.” At least that made me breathe easier.
AMANDA
I couldn’t wait to get home and call my family. Of course, they recognized the name, and Dad was already doing his gossip run. He still has friends in the finance industry and is always keeping his ear to the ground, so when he gave the thumbs up, I knew that even if I failed, I had my family backing me.
But it was still hard, in light of all that had happened in the last couple of years, to believe that my luck could be this good. I’d only had the thought a week ago, and here, as if by providence, this had fallen into my lap.
Like Evelyn, I spent the rest of the day doing research on how to go about things and waffling back and forth on whether or not I wanted to make this move. Each time I thought about it I got butterflies in my tummy, but the good kind.
I felt as if a weight was lifted off my shoulders each time I thought of giving up my stressful job and doing something I loved for once. Of course, Dad’s suggestion about using my PTO before quitting was sound advice, and I decided later that night that if I did do this, that’s the route I would take.
As the weeks went by, it was obvious that Evelyn was just as excited as I was. She had the connections and the deep pockets to get things done in a timely fashion, so that was one less headache for me to worry about, and she was pretty good at talking me into taking the leap.
I finally made up my mind around week three that sink or swim it would be okay; at least, I can say that I tried. The lawyer Dad found for me went over the contract and was surprised that it was so heavily in my favor. According to him, the Garstons aren’t known for being so magnanimous in their business dealings.
It took me this long to make peace with the decision because I’d never gone this far out on a limb before and was terrified of falling off that limb. But seeing what the place had become was eye-opening. The contractor had knocked down a few walls in the back, and now the kitchen was the same length as the house; it was one huge, wide open space
There were large windows letting in the sunlight, state-of-the-art ovens, mixers and any and everything I could need. When I imagined a startup in my daydreaming days, it never came anywhere close to this.
Those butterflies were doing somersaults, but I can’t wait to get started. I cried tears of joy that night for the first time in years. Finally, something was going right in my life. Now that things had reached this stage, I couldn’t believe that I had become so afraid of life that I had looked a gift horse in the mouth, something my grandma always told me not to do.
Although I had come out of my shell just a little bit, I still noticed some major changes in my personality. I was way more cautious than I used to be and almost skittish in certain circumstances.
I won’t lie to myself that I would live the rest of my life alone because that wasn’t viable for me. I miss the comfort of a man’s arms. I miss having someone to share this new joy with. But behind all those wants was a fear so strong it choked me each time I even thought of finding love again.
It was fine, though; at least I had the new business to look forward to. I’m sure it’ll keep me busy for the next little while anyway, and there will be no time for anything else. It’s a good thing there was no man in my life or I’d not have any time for him in the coming weeks and months, so that was the bright side.
I could convince myself of that during the day, but at night, I ached for company. I thought that once my sex drive had died with Dan, it was gone forever, but now I find myself every once in a while imagining what it would be like to meet someone else. I don’t even have to fall in love; I plan to keep my heart safely out of reach anyway.
But it would be nice to meet someone nice with whom I could share some of my interests. I miss that, but did I ever really have it? It’s hard sometimes to separate the Dan I knew from the man he’d become. I find myself wondering what is real and what is pretend.
I never realized until that whole situation that he was so afraid of his mother or that she’d had such a big influence on our lives. I guess because we started dating young, I never really realized how controlling she was, but to hear my mother and sisters tell it, they always knew.