Total pages in book: 215
Estimated words: 199344 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 997(@200wpm)___ 797(@250wpm)___ 664(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 199344 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 997(@200wpm)___ 797(@250wpm)___ 664(@300wpm)
“Hazel misses you. It’s different for her than it is for me and Zo. You were her best friend. There wasn’t a single thing that happened in her life that she didn’t run to tell you about. And even though I pushed Zo away for the last three years, I’ve leaned hard on the dream that I’d be good enough for her again one day—because nothing is as final as death. Hazel . . . When she lost you, she didn’t just lose her best friend, she lost every possibility of the life you two may have had, and I know she feels that loss every single day. I’m trying to be there for her, trying to be that friend she needs, but it’s not the same.
“I really hope you’re up there somewhere, watching over us all,” I continue. “Mom puts on a brave face, but I’ve put her through the worst kind of hell, and most days, I think she’s on the brink of falling apart. She holds herself together for me though, and for a while, I think I needed that, but now it’s time for me to be the man she needs me to be. I won’t let her down anymore, Linc. I’ll carry the burden on my shoulders. I promise, I won’t put her through it anymore, but she could really use a sign from you, anything just to let her know you’re still here.”
My elbows brace against my knees, and I tip my face into my hands, needing a moment to calm myself and find control. “That day . . . finding you like that on the ground. You have no idea how much I wished you would just move, just get up and walk it off like you always would. Hell, we used to play rough all the fucking time. I used to put your head through walls, and you’d just shake it off, but not this time. I’ll never get the image out of my head, Linc. It haunts me. Every time I close my eyes, I see you just lying there, staring lifelessly, and it makes me wish I could trade places with you. I would have done anything to be able to save you from that. I would have laid my life down for you, Linc. You had so much to live for.”
My voice cracks on that last one, and I let my words fade away, just sitting there as the shadow from Linc’s tombstone slowly moves from one side to the other. I’ve never once allowed myself to cry, to feel the overwhelming grief break me like that. Not the day he died, not even at his funeral. I always needed to be strong for Mom and Zoey, they were counting on me, but here, sitting with him now, just me and my brother, the tears finally come.
I let the guilt fade from my veins and blow away into the sunny Arizona sky, leaving me feeling refreshed and at ease for the first time since racing down that road and finding his lifeless body.
Then when Zoey starts walking back toward me after sitting and waiting in my car for what must have been hours, I let out a breath and get back to my feet. “I love you, Linc. I promise I won’t be a stranger.”
Zoey reaches me a moment later, lays the plastic folder of letters back where she found it, and steps right into my arms. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” I tell her, glancing back at the photo of the four musketeers one last time, my chest filling with a bittersweet joy. “I’m okay.”
31
Zoey
Having Noah back in my life has restored my faith in love and everything good. It’s been a few weeks, and every moment of it has been magical as we’ve rediscovered each other and learned all the little things we’ve missed over the past few years. It’s as though he’s slid straight back into position, right where he always belonged, and while it’s so easy and natural and feels like absolutely nothing has changed, it also feels as though everything has.
I think this is just our new normal, and every time something happens, or Noah wins another game, we’re always going to be filled with happiness that will be clouded by the pain of not being able to share that moment with Linc. It’s a pain that we’ll live with for the rest of our lives, but we’re not going to stop living or making memories because that’s the only way Linc would have wanted it.
We’re at the end of the football season, and tonight, the Mambas are killing it just like I knew they would. They’re playing for the championship trophy, and the buzz in the air is electrifying. It’s everything. I’ve never been so proud of him.