Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 87155 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 436(@200wpm)___ 349(@250wpm)___ 291(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87155 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 436(@200wpm)___ 349(@250wpm)___ 291(@300wpm)
Her hands tightened on the steering wheel. “I know, Ramsey. I promise you I understand your frustration better than anyone else.”
Blood thundered in my ears, and guilt took up root in my stomach. Me flipping my shit probably wasn’t what Nora had had in mind when she’d told me to be nice. Neither was snapping at Thea over something as painful as memories of Josh Caskey. Christ, she was right. I was a dick.
“I’m sorry,” I told the window.
“You don’t have to apologize to me. It’s okay to be mad. I was pissed at the world for a really long time too.” She flashed me a weak grin. “See, this is why you should have written me some letters.”
I smiled. God, she was a good woman. She did not deserve the life I had given her. Even, and especially, the one when I was trying not to give her anything at all.
I sucked in a deep breath and willed my heart to slow. “So, if I’m an injured puppy that you can’t catch, what the hell has Nora been saying to you about me?”
“What makes you think we talk about you when you aren’t around?”
“Because it is physically impossible for Nora to keep her nose out of our relationsh—” I bit the inside of my cheek. Fucking. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I was horrible at this shit. “I didn’t mean that we have…a relationship or anything.”
Thea let out a laugh. “Relax, Ramsey. I’ve come to terms with a lot of things over the last week. That being one of them.”
I ignored the way my stomach rolled. “Good. That’s good.”
“You know it doesn’t have to be all or nothing though. We were friends before love entered the picture.”
I swallowed hard, the distance between us suddenly measuring in oceans rather than inches. “You think that could actually happen?”
She slowed to a stop at a red light and turned to face me, beautiful destruction breaking in her eyes. “I would give up over twelve years of my life for the opportunity to try.”
“Thea,” I breathed when all other words failed me.
“We’ve established I love you. I can’t and won’t take that back. But if that ship has sailed, then we need to find a new ship. I’m not giving up on you, Ramsey. I don’t care if you want me to. I don’t care if it means you ice me out for all of eternity. I don’t even care that you’ve already quit on me. I once promised that it was you and me forever. Do you remember that? You made me swear it.”
Oh, I remembered it. It was why I’d let her go as quickly as I had. It was going to take time to convince Thea to give up on me, and that clock was still ticking.
I sighed. “I was a scared kid who needed reassurance.”
“I was too.” Her hand suddenly came down on my wrist, her fingerprints branding me from the outside to match the marks she’d already left on my heart. “I am too. Tell me why you hate me. Give me a reason for why you cut me out of your life. Give me anything so maybe I can finally understand. Is it because of what I told the cops about Josh—”
“No,” I said firmly. “It was never that. I swear to you none of this is your fault. And I’ve never, not for a single day, thought it was.”
“That’s not what you said when—”
Unable to take the sizzling at my wrist any longer, I moved my arm out of her reach and rested my hand on the back of her seat, bringing us closer without actually touching her. “It was bullshit. That day outside the prison, I said a lot of shit that I didn’t mean because I was pissed that you were there. You should have been married or dating or raising kids. Maybe off on one of your adventures to Australia or Fiji or China, not standing outside of a fucking prison.”
She laughed soft and entirely sad. “A husband and kids? Jesus, Ramsey, Joe didn’t have that kind of therapy money.”
I rolled my eyes, but she kept going.
“Besides, I ran out of countries to visit when I was twenty-five.”
“What?”
The light turned green and she slowly eased on the accelerator. “Places to visit. I ran out. I spent two weeks in Japan on my twenty-fifth birthday and then hung up my passport.”
“You’ve traveled to every country?”
“No. I’ve traveled to every country that doesn’t allow a felon to get a visa. I saved all the others for us.”
My heart stopped, and a brick of emotion lodged in my throat. Fuck, why did that feel good? I didn’t want that. I’d never wanted her waiting for me for anything. Thea had found the one loophole.
She’d done well for herself. She had a business and a website, and while I hated the idea of her planning trips for people instead of taking them herself, I was proud that she’d found something she loved and made a career out of it. She had a nice car. She owned a house. She was currently taking care of my broke ass. She could have floated through life, bouncing from one plane to the next, but she was waiting for me. And I couldn’t even be mad about it because before she’d done it, she’d lived the life I wanted for her. Not with a new man who could actually offer her something, but she was only twenty-eight. She had time.