Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 87155 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 436(@200wpm)___ 349(@250wpm)___ 291(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87155 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 436(@200wpm)___ 349(@250wpm)___ 291(@300wpm)
Ramsey never came out of his room again that night.
I cooked steaks. Nora carried one to his room. He invited her in. They had dinner together. And I stood in the hall, listening to the magic that was their laughter, while tears of longing dripped off my smile.
Their voices had become muted, but his light was still on when I went to bed. I’d been so excited for his release that I hadn’t been sleeping well for over a week, but my good pal Anxiety was hell-bent on making sure we didn’t break the streak.
The numbers on the clock read one thirty-six when I heard my bedroom door crack open. My heart lurched with fantasies that he’d come to talk to me. Or not talk to me. I didn’t care which as long he was there to wrap me in his strong arms and erase twelve years of hell.
It was Nora who pulled back the covers and climbed into bed beside me.
“How ya holding up?” she whispered.
“Well, the good news is I’m officially dehydrated from crying. Any more and I think I’ll wake up a raisin.” A lump caught in my throat. “The bad news is I’m definitely going to wake up as a raisin.”
“Hey,” she cooed. “Stop. You knew this was going to be hard.”
“I know. I know. It’s just… Why is everything so fucking hard? When are we going to catch a break? When is he going to catch a break?”
“He’s fine, Thea.”
“I get it. He doesn’t love me. But why does he have to be so angry? He has to know that I’ve spent the last decade blaming myself for telling the cops about Josh.”
She rested her palm on the side of my neck, her long, thin fingers curling around as she gave me a gentle shake. “He doesn’t blame you. You didn’t do anything wrong. He was pissed off that you were there today and looking for a way to lash out. We had a long talk tonight and I made sure he knew exactly how messed up it was for him to bring that shit up.”
“But he didn’t say he didn’t mean it, did he?”
“He doesn’t say much of anything anymore. He listens a lot though and observes everything. But you know who’s more observant?” She released my neck and used one finger to tap me on the nose like I was one of the kids in her class. “Me. And I’m telling you right now, the same thing I have told you for oh…twelve years, eight months, three weeks, four days, and however the hell many hours we’re up to at this point: My brother loves you, Thea. Ramsey is stupid. Ramsey is an idiot. Ramsey is emotionally stunted. But Ramsey fucking loves you.”
She’d said it so many times over the years that I’d started to believe it. There were mounds of evidence to say otherwise, but each time Nora hugged me and whispered those words to me, it gave me the strength to make it through another day.
It had been lonely growing up without him. I’d watched as people we’d gone to school with grew up, posted stupid shit about their relationships on social media, got engaged, got married, had babies. A few had already added a divorce and marriage number two to their relationship résumé.
Meanwhile, I was twenty-eight and had never been on another date since our night in the tent on his seventeenth birthday. Forget about a relationship or even a one-night stand. I was in the never-ending holding pattern of hating Ramsey for what he’d done to us while simultaneously waiting for him to come home.
He was in the bedroom across the hall and I was still waiting.
“There’s nothing there when I look in his eyes, Nora. I used to be able to tell. I don’t feel anything when he looks at me now.”
“He’s overwhelmed. Just give him some time.”
The room was dark, lit only by the moon and dim rays from a streetlight. My vision swam as I stared at Nora’s silhouette. “How much time do I need to give him before I accept that it’s really over? Twenty years? Thirty? My entire life? Because you know I’ll do it. If there is one single sliver of hope that I’ll finally get him back, I will wait for that man.” When my voice cracked, she slid her arm under my head and wrapped me in a hug.
“Ohhh-kay, let’s slow down. It’s been, like, twelve hours, Anxiety Angie. Nobody is asking you to wait the rest of your life. Let’s start with like…two weeks. Tops. Ten bucks says I’m falling asleep with earplugs in by the end of the month.”
“It’s not even about the physical stuff. I just want my best friend back.”
“Hey.” She feigned injury. “I’m your best friend now. He can have all the other gross stuff like seeing you naked and watching all those cheesy Christmas movies you try to force on me every year.” She hooked her arm through mine before rolling to her back. “I read a study recently about reintegration and it said there are two common reactions when it comes to reacclimating into society. Some men go full steam ahead, making up for lost time and filling their days with missed experiences. That was what I thought was going to happen with Ramsey. For weeks, he’s been planning the things he wanted to do as soon as he got out. Apparently, he’s not that type though. At least not yet. We just need to be patient with him.”