Total pages in book: 107
Estimated words: 104305 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 522(@200wpm)___ 417(@250wpm)___ 348(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 104305 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 522(@200wpm)___ 417(@250wpm)___ 348(@300wpm)
This sounded familiar…
Chase was to Thomas the same as I wanted to be for Chase. If he’d let me.
“How old was he when he began to suspect he was gay?”
“When he was twelve or thirteen… He had questions, of course. But his biggest mistake was going to his parents. Something any child should be able to do.” Chase frowned and shook his head, still petting Timber, whose head was now propped on his thigh. “His parents were appalled. They said being gay was a sin and that he needed help. The depression began after his parents forced him into conversion therapy as a fucking child.” His fingers tensed on Timber’s back, making my dog’s eyes open, especially after Chase shouted, “A fucking child!” It echoed over the lake. “He couldn’t be cured or fixed because he wasn’t sick or broken! At least not then. He suffered through that hell and it permanently damaged him. That bullshit should be illegal everywhere. Just because we don’t conform to someone else’s beliefs doesn’t mean we’re broken and need to be fixed. We need to be accepted and respected for who we are.”
Conversion therapy was the worst. I was once again grateful I had accepting and loving parents. I couldn’t imagine being treated like there was something wrong with me and I had to be repaired like a broken vase.
“Chase, you’re preaching to the choir here.” I reached out and grabbed the hand he wasn’t using to pet Timber and gave it a squeeze. “I was fortunate in the fact I didn’t have to deal with any of that. Was I bullied about it in high school? Yes. I tried to stay as low-key as possible, but there was always one kid or another that tried to make me feel shitty, that made fun of me, or said ignorant things. But my parents supported me, they loved me no matter who I was, and they still do. My parents didn’t suspect but when I came out to them, they acted like it was no big deal. They told me they’d love me no matter what. They wanted me to be happy no matter who I ended up with. If they’re disappointed about anything, it’s the fact I’m in my forties and I’m still single.”
I lifted his hand to my mouth. When I brushed my lips across his knuckles, his fingers twitched in mine.
He had been so closed off for so long, it seemed that any kind of caring touch surprised him. That made my heart ache.
“Why are you still single?”
Damn it, I made the mistake of talking about myself and my parents, giving him the opportunity to latch on to that and avoid continuing his own story.
“Quite simply… I haven’t found the love of my life yet and I don’t want to settle.” I gave him a short, but truthful, answer because I needed to steer the conversation back to his relationship. It shouldn’t be about me. “It would be nice if one day LBGTQ+ youth wouldn’t have to come out at all. That everyone would be automatically accepted for whoever they are. That love and sexual attraction were strictly tied to individuals, not gender expectations. We need to lift up our youth, not tie them down so they struggle with life and suffer any permanent and debilitating damage. That sounds exactly like what happened to your husband.”
CHAPTER 19
Rett
“When Thomas finally confessed what happened to him when he was younger, I did all kinds of research on conversion therapy to try to understand why he was suffering, why he struggled to get through every damn day.”
I didn’t know everything about conversion therapy, but I knew enough. Being a part of the LGBTQ+ community, I was aware a lot of states had banned it because it had been proven to be totally ineffective and ended up doing more harm than anything else.
The fact that people thought it was possible for someone to change their sexual orientation or gender identity, usually by force, enraged me as it probably did Chase. Those youth were not accepted by their own family and community as they existed and were repeatedly told something was wrong with them, that they should be ashamed for who they were attracted to or loved.
The fact was, trying to “convert” a child’s sexual orientation or gender identity increased the chance of depression and tripled the chance of driving that youth to commit suicide. A high number even succeeded, a tragedy in itself.
“That program broke him. His parents rejecting him for who he was devastated him. As soon as he was old enough to get out of their house, he left and never talked to them again.”
I couldn’t imagine not being accepted for who I was and being forced to become someone else. By sending him to take part in that barbaric practice, Thomas was told by his own flesh and blood he’d be rejected unless he changed an integral part of himself, even though it was impossible.