Total pages in book: 110
Estimated words: 104239 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 521(@200wpm)___ 417(@250wpm)___ 347(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 104239 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 521(@200wpm)___ 417(@250wpm)___ 347(@300wpm)
I can’t give her anything good. She’ll never know anything but darkness when she’s with me. I don’t know how to make somebody happy, and I’ve hardly tried to learn how.
Why does she want to be with me? Why does she take these risks? I’m not worth it. What’s it going to take to make her see that?
Charlotte’s words echo in my head. When she accused me of pushing people away. She’s right. Is that what I’m trying to do with Delilah?
All the times I’ve tried to hurt her. When I’ve vented my darkness on her. She keeps coming back for more, for some reason. It isn’t easy to believe she wants me, really wants me. Eventually, I will need to accept it or find a way to convince her for good that nothing will ever come of us.
The thing is, I don’t believe that. I don’t want to. I want this. I want her, need her, and no matter how I try to convince myself otherwise, there won’t be a day of my life when she isn’t on my mind.
How am I supposed to turn my back on that and pretend it isn’t true?
My phone buzzes on the nightstand. I grab for it quickly before it can wake her. She stirs, then rolls onto her back, away from me. Dread blooms in my chest. Who is it going to be?
As it turns out, it’s the person I dread hearing from the most, though she poses the least threat on the surface.
Aspen: Can we talk soon?
The fact that Aspen used so few words tells me this isn’t going to be a happy reunion, but then I wouldn’t expect it to be.
I’m not looking for her to spare my feelings. I deserve her anger and the sense of betrayal that I know she’s struggling with.
Does she know I’m gone? I can only assume she does. By now, Xander would have made a comment about it. I’m sure he wouldn’t miss the opportunity.
I type a quick reply.
Me: I’ll be back asap, and I’ll let you know when I land.
I see that she reads the message but doesn’t respond to it.
I can’t deny her any more than I can keep running away. I deserve whatever is coming, as much as I dread seeing the hatred on her face again.
I hate breaking into Delilah’s peace, too, but it can’t be helped.
“Hey. We need to get going. Back to Corium.”
She groans, then buries her face in the pillow. Even now, I can’t help but laugh a little since I understand the impulse. “I know. But we can’t stay here forever. I have some shit I’ve got to take care of.”
“I guess you won’t bother telling me what it’s all about.” She lifts her head far enough to shoot me a doleful look.
“I will once things are settled. That’s going to have to be enough for now.” And then I get out of bed and get dressed because this is not the conversation I need to have now. There’s too much on my mind as it is.
She doesn’t seem bitter or angry as she dresses, at least. “It was nice to have a night when I didn’t have to worry about anybody screwing with me,” she admits before touching tentative fingers to the back of her head.
“How does it feel?”
She answers by popping another pill and washing it down with what’s left of the melted ice in her takeout cup from dinner last night.
I have no doubt Nic cleaned things up efficiently, but I can’t help wondering if word has gotten around about the men who went missing after visiting Ralph’s. Something tells me I shouldn’t make a habit of visiting in the future. With that in mind, it’s a relief to board the helicopter.
I have no idea what I’m heading into, but at least Aspen wants to speak to me. I didn’t think she’d reach out this soon.
Is that a good thing? Or maybe it only took her a couple of days to decide I’m not worth building a relationship with. That’s just as possible.
“You look worried,” Delilah observes as we take off.
“I’m not,” I lie and take hold of her hand, wanting to reassure her, “stop worrying so much about me.”
She frowns. “I wish it was that easy.”
For her sake, I wish it was, as well. Once she finds out about Charlotte and Aspen, she’ll understand what a waste of time I am.
Maybe that’s why I don’t want to tell her yet. I don’t want to see the look in her eyes when she finds out I’m a complete coward.
Along the way, I text Aspen as promised.
Me: On my way.
Again, she reads the message but offers no response. Anger clouds my judgment. How it’s going to be. I can only imagine what she has in store for me once I arrive.