Total pages in book: 110
Estimated words: 104239 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 521(@200wpm)___ 417(@250wpm)___ 347(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 104239 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 521(@200wpm)___ 417(@250wpm)___ 347(@300wpm)
“Keep doing that. You’re a smart girl. I would hate to think of you not learning anything all this time.”
What’s the use? I’m not leaving here alive. “I’m doing my best.” At least that’s not a lie. But my best isn’t exactly a whole lot, either.
I don’t particularly feel like going to class. I’m sure nobody will care if I show up or not. It’s a complete joke, being here in the first place. Like being on death row, but people expect you to go through the motions of an ordinary day as if you have a future worth preparing for. It’s like everybody around here operates under the same mass delusion.
I don’t want to go to the library, either. I might see Aspen there, which means her guard dog will eventually come sniffing around. He can’t be too far from her for too long. She might make the grave mistake of speaking to me, and then where would we be?
It’s Lucas I want to see. I want to know more about why he was ready to let me die. That pathetic excuse about wanting to tell me the night he came to my room. What was that supposed to be about? Am I supposed to think he’s a good guy for considering giving me a heads-up? Let’s gloss over the weeks between then and now. What a coward.
I doubt that’s a word he’d ever use to describe himself. Coward. He thinks he’s strong and vicious and all that. The sort of man who makes things happen. He snaps his fingers, and everybody sits up straight and waits for his instructions. He barges into a girl’s bedroom, and she lies back and waits for him, trembling, anticipating his touch.
At least, that’s what he wishes was true.
I know the truth—and maybe that’s why he hates me. Because I know the truth about him. I know who he is, the sort of man underneath the mask he wears. He has actual feelings. A conscience. He wants to do right by his kid, even though he doesn’t have the first idea of how to show emotion. He wants to be nice to me, but it would mean going against everything that’s supposed to matter in this fucked-up world of his.
He feels things. He wants things. He’s afraid to show it, and he doesn’t understand that fear makes him weak. Not feeling or wanting things but being afraid to show it.
He would have warned me if he hadn’t been afraid to show how much he actually cared whether I live or die.
That is, if he actually does care. Which part was the lie? The caring, or the pretending not to? I’m so tired of all these questions, never knowing what’s real and what’s not.
I guess that’s why I’m halfway to Lucas’s office before I know what I’m doing. This was always where I was going to end up. I can either sit and stew with all these questions, or I can force him to answer me.
His assistant isn’t at her desk. That’s probably not a bad thing. She doesn’t need to hear what I have to say. His door is open a crack, far enough for me to see him at his desk.
“What are you doing here? I told you I’d call when the time is right.”
Whoever he’s talking to, he’s not happy with them. I press myself against the wall, holding my breath. I should probably get out of here, or at least wait further away until his conversation is over. Right? That’s what a normal, sane person would do.
Nobody ever called me normal, did they?
“I know. I was too eager. I’ve been waiting so long and couldn’t wait any longer.”
I have to clamp my hand over my mouth in hopes of silencing my gasp. I figured he was on the phone. From where I’m standing, I can’t see much of the room’s interior. Only his arm, his shoulder.
But he’s definitely talking to a woman. And of course, now I want to know who she is. It can’t be Lauren since I just left her. It’s not Aspen, either—she sounds older, more like Lucas’s age.
Of course, idiot. What, did you think you were the only woman in his life?
I watch the side of his fist pound against the desk. Even at a distance, it makes me jump. “You know how complicated this could make things? There was a reason I didn’t want you showing up here unannounced. You’ve made this a lot more difficult than it was already going to be.”
My stomach is churning, and my palms are sweaty, and I really, really wish I could get a look at whoever he’s talking to. There’s only one explanation that makes any sense. She’s a girlfriend. Somebody he doesn’t want people to know about. Maybe they were supposed to meet up somewhere away from Corium, something like that.