Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 88305 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 442(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 88305 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 442(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
“He…can’t be dead.” My voice is brittle. “Look again.”
“The owner of that car died due to a traffic accident twenty years ago.”
One year after I was born.
Does that mean I met him when I was a baby and then he just died?
I internally shake my head, refusing to believe my father is dead. If that were the case, Mom would’ve mentioned it, right?
“Look again, please.”
“I’ll check to see if I missed anything, but I wouldn’t be optimistic.”
After Kai hangs up, two fat tears slide down my cheeks. They’re so different from the tears of pleasure that never dried from my face.
I crouch in front of my car and quietly cry into my unsteady palms. My chest racks and the haunting noises I make reverberate around me.
There’s always been a hole in my chest that couldn’t be filled, no matter what I tried. One I thought only my dad would occupy, but apparently, that’s not possible anymore.
That hole was supposed to stay hollow, because like Mom has always said, my father doesn’t exist.
“Nao.”
My head jerks up and I stare at the eyes that were malicious not even fifteen minutes ago.
He has a flashlight on and his hoodie is open, revealing a white tee. His shiny dark blond hair is slicked back and his jaw is set.
Sebastian.
He’s back to being the star quarterback, not the beast from my fantasies who called me a slut and made me come with it.
“What is it, baby? Why are you crying?” His voice is calm, soothing almost.
I don’t know if it’s the stress from knowing about my father or the bitterness I felt earlier, but they all climb to the surface, ripping at the last screw that’s been holding me together.
Jumping to my feet, I storm over to stand in front of him, but he doesn’t even flinch, almost as if he was expecting the attack.
“Am I supposed to pretend nothing happened just now, Sebastian? Again?”
His expression remains the same. “I thought that was what you wanted.”
“Maybe that’s what you want.”
His eyes roam over me in deliberate slowness. “We want the same thing.”
“I don’t want to brush over everything that’s happened as if it’s…it’s…”
“A fantasy? Taboo?”
“As if it’s nothing,” I breathe out on a sniffle.
“It’s definitely not nothing.”
“Then act like it. Talk about it. Don’t leave me wondering if I’ve lost my mind or if I should check myself into a mental institute.”
His jaw hardens and I think he’ll say that’s exactly what I should do, but the lines around his eyes ease. “You don’t need a shrink just because you’re different.”
“Then what else do I need in this madness?”
“Someone who understands your needs and fulfills them.”
“But…what we’re doing is fucked up.”
“The best things are.”
“Don’t you have second thoughts about it? Any form of hesitation?”
“I’m assertive enough to accept that I’m an anomaly to what society expects from us, and I’m fine with that. I’d rather be abnormal than fit into a mold that’s not designed for me.”
“Even if it means raping someone?”
“Not someone. You.”
“It could be someone else tomorrow.”
He shakes his head. “We’re not that common, Tsundere. I wouldn’t be able to find someone whose crazy matches mine.”
“So you would leave if you were to stumble upon such a person?”
“Never.”
My breath hitches and an involuntary hiccup leaves me. “How can you be so sure?”
“It’s who I am. I don’t lie to myself, so when I say I only want you. I mean it.”
“So you’re stuck with me?”
“No. You’re stuck with me, baby.”
A slow sigh mixed with a whimper heaves out of me. “But it’s…abnormal. I recognize sexual deviant behavior. It’s what makes serial killers who they are, and that’s sick and twisted and…”
“Sick and twisted are only labels they try to contain us with. We’re not serial killers just because we enjoy consensual non-consensual sexual activities. We’re grown adults who recognize our fantasies, and unlike the cowards who only dream about it, we actually make it happen.”
“But what if it’s more than that? What if this is only the beginning of divergent behavior?”
“Why is that a problem?”
“You can hurt people.”
“I’m not interested in hurting people. I’m only interested in hurting you.”
My heart hammers and everything inside me seems to melt under the impact. God. There’s nothing I want to do other than let him hurt me all over again.
“Maybe you already have.”
He frowns. “You…didn’t use the word, so I thought you could still take it.”
“I don’t mean that.” I clear my throat. “You fucked me without a condom.”
“So?”
“Hello, pregnancy?”
“Oh, that.”
“Yes, that. What would you have done if you’d shot your spawn inside me?”
“Take care of it when it comes.”
“What makes you think I want children this young?”
“It’s not planned, so if it happens, it happens.”
“Are you serious?”
“Very.”
“But there’d be another life we’d have to be responsible for.”
“So be it. Why do you have to make it into a fucking event?”