Total pages in book: 103
Estimated words: 98207 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 491(@200wpm)___ 393(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 98207 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 491(@200wpm)___ 393(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
“You don’t need to hurt me,” I tell him. “I won’t say a word. I swear it. I won’t tell anybody.”
He doesn’t respond. His eyes are moving over my face, taking in every detail. He’s still breathing hard, and his body is so close to mine. Warm and solid and strong. He smells of malt liquor and roasted pine nuts. I don’t know where it comes from, but it’s the only way to describe it. The scent is unique and incredible.
His grip on me is rough, but I realize as the seconds tick by it isn’t because of the need to kill. It’s something else in his eyes. Something I know must be reflected in my own. I cling to his biceps and pull him closer against me. I don’t know why. Only that I want to.
“Ronan,” I murmur against him. “Ronan.”
I don’t know why I’m saying his name. If it’s a plea or something else.
A sound rips from his throat, and he buries his face in my neck and inhales my skin as he grinds against me. He’s hard. And it’s completely insane, but all of the tension snaps between us. All the boundaries that ever existed dissolve under the proximity of our bodies. When his hands roam over me, it stirs a long dormant need inside of me. Feelings I haven’t felt before. Feelings I’ll probably never have again.
I reach down and yank his pelvis against mine while my other hand strokes through his hair. His hands are everywhere on me, touching me anywhere he can reach. We’re like two wild animals, going at each other in a fight to the death.
Somewhere in the chaos, he unzips his pants. I pull up my skirt and tug my panties aside. There’s a moment of hesitation on his part. And I know it’s so wrong. My boyfriend is lying dead on the other side of the room. Where Ronan just killed him. He’s still covered in his blood. And now we’re trying to fuck right here in the aftermath. I’m so broken. So fucked up to want this. I don’t feel anything over the loss of Blaine, but I know that I want this. That I might die if I don’t have it right now.
I reach down and touch him. He’s thick and hot, and I want him inside of me. Ronan makes another agonized sound as I guide him there. I wrap my legs around him and he sinks all the way in. He fucks me in a jerky and uncoordinated rhythm. But when I reach up to touch his face, he pauses.
“Don’t,” I tell him.
He can’t stop now. I won’t let him.
The feelings I have for this man at times are unexplainable. I’m drawn to him. I always have been. But this is something else altogether. This is pure physics. He’s the lightning, and I am simply a conductor. We were always bound to converge.
When he moves again, he’s looking down at me with uncertainty even as he thrusts inside of me. I don’t care. I can’t think straight. About anything. He pushes, and I give way. My body melts into the floor, yielding to him completely. I barely touch myself, and I explode around him.
The resulting tremors that move through me cause Ronan’s entire body to jerk as he collapses forward and comes inside of me. The whole event couldn’t have lasted more than five minutes, but I can’t recall a time in my life where anything ever felt so good.
Until he pulls away like I’m toxic, threatening to pollute him too. His eyes move towards the door, then back to me. And then he says the first and only word he’s ever spoken to me. A bullet to my heart at point blank range.
“Leave.”
***
I wake up in a cold sweat, tangled up inside of my bedsheets. Confusion takes over when I sit up and glance around the room. I’m still wearing my yoga pants and a sweatshirt, but Ronan’s jacket is hung on the back of my bedroom door. I don’t remember putting it there. I don’t remember coming inside at all.
The faintest hint of malt liquor lingers on my sweatshirt and I bring it to my nose and inhale. It’s fresh. I scrub the sleep from my eyes and shake my head as I glance at the clock. It’s only six am. I haven’t had nearly enough sleep. But I get up anyway and pad down the hall to mom’s room. I just want to be near her now. And forget everything else.
Chapter Five
Sasha
It’s my day off, and even though I resolved that I wasn’t going to take the pills unless I was working, I’m too tired to function. I can’t get to sleep anymore. It doesn’t come, no matter how exhausted I am.
When my head hits the pillow, I just lay there and think about my Ma. About what my life is going to be like when she’s gone. I had to call Emily and tell her it was time to come home. It’s only made everything that much more real.