Total pages in book: 178
Estimated words: 170884 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 854(@200wpm)___ 684(@250wpm)___ 570(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 170884 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 854(@200wpm)___ 684(@250wpm)___ 570(@300wpm)
Arms came around my waist and held me as I fell apart on the inside. The man behind me remained silent, and I loved him for knowing that words couldn’t describe what I was feeling right then.
We were days away from uprooting and I was anxious.
It was a bold move.
No home. No friends. No bed to sleep in. Starting from scratch at thirty-eight years old. It was rough.
My chest ached at the realization that I only had days left with everything I knew and loved, everything familiar to me. And that sucked. But what sucked worse was the six years I spent without the man I loved.
I would choose him.
I would choose him a thousand times.
I would choose him for eternity, because my heart remained empty without him.
So we would move and we would do it happily.
Together, as a family.
I was proud of myself.
Saying goodbye was harder than I imagined, and I imagined it to be horrible, so that was saying something. All of our friends and family came to see us off, and while Ethan Black stood off to the side, we embraced our loved ones with heavy hearts and shining eyes.
Julius snaked his arms around me. “We’ll visit,” he rumbled tightly. I squeezed him tighter, unable to speak, and when Ana threw her arms around the both of us, my throat constricted uncomfortably.
I would miss them terribly, all of them, equally.
So when Ana knelt in front of A.J. and handed him the same brown bear he had given her what seemed like a lifetime ago, he blinked down at it before frowning in question. And when she spoke, she spoke clearly without the shake in her voice I’d heard so often, without the crippling fear I knew she carried inside of her. With Ling gone, part of Ana had healed. “I know you’re a big boy and you don’t need him anymore.” She looked down at the bear. “Whenever I would feel sad or lonely, I would hug brown bear. And your bear did a real good job of chasing that sadness away.” Her expression fell as she lifted the bear and hugged him one last time. When she was done, she held him out to my son. “But it’s time he was returned to you.”
A.J. looked torn. He hesitated. “But he’s yours now. You need him.”
Ana reached out and cupped A.J.’s cheek lovingly, as she whispered, “I think you need him more.”
Oh, Jesus. My heart. They were killing me.
A.J. reluctantly took his brown bear from Ana. He peered down at the plush, cookie-scented teddy a long moment before he leapt into Ana’s arms. She hugged him and kissed him and whispered endlessly into his ear, and when they finally separated, both of their eyes were misting.
It broke my heart.
Well, this blew.
Ethan cleared his throat from the sidelines and my gut cramped. It was time. And as we made the move to do the long walk into the international terminal, I held it together. I waved and smiled and held my shit together like my world wasn’t falling apart. I kept that false smile pasted on my face until we boarded. I wore that smile like a mask until we found our seats, and I held it there. A piece of armor. A heavy shield. My smile was my sword. I held it there as the plane took off. Once we were flying high, only then did I allow it to falter.
My smile wobbled and wavered. The inevitable sting of salty tears behind my lids. I took in a quavering breath as the mask I wore crumbled to pieces, and when the first sob hit me, it hit me hard, leaving me gasping for air.
Without a word, Twitch lifted the armrest between us and pulled me onto his lap. I buried my face into the crook of his neck and wept openly as he kissed my cheek, whispering sweet nothings into my ear. I was emotional. A wreck. And he let me be without judgment or scorn. He let me be me, and I didn’t think there was anything more important in the world than being with somebody who didn’t fear your demons, but made love to them.
I cried until there were no tears left in me, and when I was done, the sorrow had ebbed out of me. I felt better, lighter.
Slowly, I slid my legs off of my rock and shuffled back into my own seat, swiping at my red, swollen eyes. He left me be a while, but when the silence between us started to bother him, he leaned over into my face, and as I blinked at him through wide eyes, he demanded quietly, “Kiss me.”
There would never be a time in my life when I would deny myself the feel of Antonio Falco’s lips against mine.