Total pages in book: 106
Estimated words: 104329 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 522(@200wpm)___ 417(@250wpm)___ 348(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 104329 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 522(@200wpm)___ 417(@250wpm)___ 348(@300wpm)
In and out.
She kept on repeating the same mantra in her head, hoping for the fear to stop clawing away at her.
Once again, she slowly was able to ground herself, and then, with a final breath, it was gone.
The panic attacks were occurring more often now. Especially after … Ava.
Crap, just thinking about that sweet woman was enough to make tears come to Raven’s eyes once again.
Now she grabbed her head and willed the memories of what she’d done out of her mind.
She couldn’t scream. She couldn’t yell. All Raven could do was grit her teeth and try to stop those memories from building up out of her mind. How Ava begged. She pleaded with them, but Raven had believed that stupid fucking picture.
“Since your judgment call got my woman hurt. Think hard, Raven. If you hadn’t sent her off with a prospect that wasn’t even one of ours, my wife wouldn’t have lost our first child. She wouldn’t have had a concussion, and she wouldn’t wake up screaming some nights, terrified.”
This was Abriana.
Raven prided herself in knowing people. She’d been duped once in her life, and she had vowed to never let it happen again, only, it had. Twice more so far. Once with Abriana, Ugly Beast’s wife. She hadn’t questioned a prospect taking her, and it had caused so much damage. Losing a child, hurting Abriana. She had fucked up big time. When that happened, Raven struggled to look at her friend.
She hadn’t recognized the prospect, but she knew Smokey liked to give some men a chance, and they rarely lasted long. He always had tests for men who wanted to join the club. Raven had fucked up assuming this was one of those cases. She should have stopped him, fucking killed him, and taken Abriana, but she hadn’t.
Raven would never forgive herself.
Abriana had forgiven her, but at times, Raven couldn’t bring herself to look in a mirror. All prospects who came near the club, she stalked. She paid careful attention to every single person coming in and out of the club, and she hunted each of them down, checking their backgrounds, finding out every single piece of information that she could.
Then, Ava, Smokey’s woman.
God, just thinking about what happened with Ava made her feel sick. She wanted to hurt herself. To drive a blade deep within her gut and allow herself to bleed out.
Nothing she did or could do would ever repay the damage. Hacking off the woman’s hair, and even now, Ava never allowed it to grow. Never. The only length she would have it was shoulder length.
Raven had hit her and allowed the club whores to have their way for a fucking picture that wasn’t even real. Not a true perspective or telling of events. There was no justification for what she’d done.
After picking up the revolver, she flicked open the barrel and saw that there was a single bullet inside, as there was most times. Loading the gun, she spun the clip, lifted the nuzzle to her head, closed her eyes, and clicked.
No bullet.
No death.
She was allowed to live tomorrow.
After reaching under her bed, she grabbed the locked case, flicked the lock, and placed the revolver back inside, then locked the case and got to her feet. She padded across the room and went to her closet, where she had a small hook hidden in the back. Once she’d placed the key on the hook, she closed the door.
Her leather cut was still on the floor.
Waiting.
After walking over, she bent down and picked up the cut. She placed the hanger back in place on the closet doorknob.
It was late.
Nearly three in the morning. Most of the club would be fast asleep.
She left her bedroom and walked down the long corridor, going to the stairs that would take her to the main clubhouse. As to be expected, men and women in different states of undress were passed out all over the place.
Since being a club brother, she had seen enough dick to last her more than a lifetime. Shaking her head and glancing at the brothers fondly, she walked toward the kitchen. She was starving.
Seeing as Ava spent some time at the clubhouse, Raven made sure she was rarely around.
To some people, they felt Raven getting beat the crap out of by Creed was a way of mending bridges, not to Raven. All she did was take care of Ava. She didn’t do it to mend fences or to have Ava forgive her, although Ava had.
She never expected the woman’s forgiveness. Raven had no right to it. Yes, it would be nice to truly have it, but she knew it was something she was never going to want because she didn’t deserve forgiveness. Ava had only given it to her out of pity. Raven didn’t need pity. She got what she had coming to her. All she could do was adapt. Make sure that Ava only saw her when she had to.