Total pages in book: 176
Estimated words: 164533 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 823(@200wpm)___ 658(@250wpm)___ 548(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 164533 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 823(@200wpm)___ 658(@250wpm)___ 548(@300wpm)
“I want you to lean on me. That’s what I’m made for,” Rhys choked, and the emotion in his voice cut me up.
“It’s not all that you’re made for, though. You deserve to be cherished and protected, too. You deserve someone who can give you everything. Someone who will love a heart as big as yours, but mine, it’s still mending. I’d never forgive myself if my brokenness ended up hurting you. Maybe I won’t realise I’m doing it intentionally, but I need so much, and I fear you’ll keep on giving even when it’s causing you pain. I mean, look what happened with Jesse. What he did to me made you so angry you had people break into his apartment.”
“They didn’t just break into his apartment,” he confessed, and I blinked. “I had them beat the living shit out of him, too, and I have zero regret about that, just so you know.”
Emotion wormed its way up my throat, a tangle of confused feelings warring for dominance. The idea of masked men beating up my ex-husband who took great enjoyment in abusing me for years felt darkly satisfying. But the fact Rhys felt the need to go to such lengths was upsetting.
“You see? I’ve caused you to do something you never would’ve done if you didn’t feel so responsible for me. But I don’t want to be the cause of your anger, Rhys. I don’t want you out in the world seeking vengeance for the awful hand I was dealt. I only ever want you to be happy and fulfilled.”
Something flared in his eyes, some kind of understanding. “I can’t lose you from my life, Charli. I’ve only just gotten you back.”
“You won’t lose me. I’ll still be right across the hall from you every day here at work. I’ll always be near, will always be your friend, but I need to prove I can do this on my own. It’s important,” I said while everything inside me continued to break.
I’d been so foolish, allowing myself to get so close to Rhys, to bring sex into our relationship. Why wasn’t I smart enough to know it would complicate everything times a million?
“I understand,” he said after a long stretch of silence as he stood to his full height. “I always knew you’d need to move on at some point and go it alone.” His features seemed pained while his shoulders were stiff with tension. I felt like there was a lot going on beneath the surface, but he kept it masked, out of reach. He’d always been so good at that.
“I’ll treasure these last few weeks with you. They were even better than our summer together.”
“Rhys,” I whispered, moving towards him and wrapping my arms around his neck. He stood still, letting me hug him, but I sensed him withdrawing into himself.
“It’s okay. I was prepared for this,” he said, leaving the rest unspoken, But it still hurts. I knew because I was hurting, too. Finally, his arms came around my waist, and he hugged me back. We stayed like that for a time, wrapped in one another’s embrace, before at long last I released him.
“I better get back,” I said, wiping at my eyes.
“Of course,” Rhys replied, and for a second, I saw a flash of the sheer anguish he felt. I wished there was a way to express to him that just because we weren’t sleeping together anymore didn’t mean he was losing me, but the right words never came.
Rhys cleared his throat, turning away as though to gather himself. “I’ll drop these boxes off at Padraig and Jo’s later this week,” he said, and it felt strange to talk about something so mundane after the brutal conversation we’d just had.
“Thank you. I really am so happy to have my collection back, Rhys.”
“Anytime, Charli,” he replied, then like a gentleman, he escorted me from his office.
***
At first, the withdrawals were merciless. I missed his kisses, his hands, his scent. I’d wake up in the middle of the night, sweating from a dream of being tangled up with Rhys, the pleasure when our bodies joined. Even seeing him at the hotel was different. His smiles were warm and caring, but they weren’t quite the same, and I missed the way he used to smile at me.
I started to imagine how I might feel if he suddenly started dating someone new and was filled with such immense jealousy I had to eat almost an entire box of cookies just to calm myself down. I had no right to jealousy, not when I was the one choosing to be on my own.
Then, after weeks, it got a little bit easier.
I threw myself into my work, and Nuala and I planned the most epic vacation to a resort on the Spanish island of Minorca. Maggie—after trying to talk herself out of coming along just as her brother Jonathan told me she would—finally committed to joining us. Since she and Shay had just gotten engaged, she was looking forward to a break away from all the wedding planning madness.