Total pages in book: 78
Estimated words: 74844 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 374(@200wpm)___ 299(@250wpm)___ 249(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 74844 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 374(@200wpm)___ 299(@250wpm)___ 249(@300wpm)
I find myself cradling my little stomach as I gaze at myself. How I’ve kept this from them is beyond me, because before we came to Knoxville, we were inseparable. We knew everything about one another, knew what was going on, and above all, we protected one another.
We shared a room growing up, and we have photos of Lou and Austen holding Clara and me on their chests when we were newborns. The three eldest were our moms, honestly. When we were old enough, Clara and I would share one bed, while Lou, Eliza, and Austen slept in another in our small room. We did everything together, the older girls protecting and guiding us through life. I wouldn’t be alive today if it weren’t for my elder sisters and the sacrifices they made.
But now, they’re all in Nashville, and Clara and I hardly see each other. It’s mind-blowing how quickly things change, but I’m not upset or resentful. I am happy for my sisters, all of them, and so proud of the lives we’ve all built. I know deep in my soul that when I tell them about the baby in my belly, they’ll be happy and supportive of me.
This is the perfect time to tell them.
I just don’t think I can.
I exhale heavily as the guilt of hiding my pregnancy wears on my soul. I need to tell someone, but I feel like it should be the father. But doing so would involve me speaking to him, and since that hasn’t happened in six months, I doubt it will anytime soon. I know he wants nothing to do with me. Why would he? When he walked out of that hotel room that night, he didn’t look back. I had hurt him. I had rejected him. I thought I’d be okay with my decision. I protected myself, I kept him at arm’s length, but fate being the cunt she is, he left something behind.
With a heart and a head and a soul.
And hopefully with his eyes and lips and curls.
I press my hand to my stomach and gaze at myself. I hate the guilt that I struggle with every time I do this. I shouldn’t feel guilt when I’m growing a human, but I do. I hate lying to everyone I love and, even more, preventing Alex from knowing the truth. The alternative of coming clean, though, makes me physically sick. How will everyone react? Will they hate me? I feel if I wait until I have it, then they can’t be that mad because they’ll be distracted by the cute little baby.
Yes, I’m a coward. And yes, it’s pathetic.
I push my long locks of dark hair off my shoulders and pull my shirt away from my body once more before heading out into the shop. As I walk by the counter, Eliza calls out to me, “El, here is your smoothie.”
I make a detour, taking it from her with a grin. “Thanks, sis.”
She beams at me, and I love how bright and happy she is. She’s always been full of optimism and very sunny, but Coleson Katz makes my sister shine even brighter. Even though the big lug can’t walk without his walker yet, he isn’t far behind her, leaning on the counter and watching her with such love in his eyes. I sort of feel bad for clocking him in the eye last year, but I still don’t like that he used my sister to fix his reputation. In a way, though, and by the smirk on his lips, I know she fixed more than his reputation. Not that I’m surprised. Eliza is a gift to anyone who gets to love her.
And he got called up, which was the goal. Even if it ended way too soon, he will always have Eliza.
Lucky lug.
Eliza falls into step with me, her arm locking with mine, and I tense up under her embrace. Please God, don’t hug me, I think as we head to where our sisters are gathered. Eliza is the shortest of us all, so when she leans into me, it’s into my bicep, and I pray she’ll stay right there. When we all first saw one another, I sucked in my stomach so hard and hoped that my kid was okay. Since they kicked me in revenge, I figure they’re good and take after me in that sense.
I can be a bit violent.
My brother-in-law can verify that.
As I sit down, I bring my legs up, crisscrossing my ankles so that my shirt flows more. We’re all gathered in our favorite spot on the couches in the corner. Austen sits beside me, sipping on her hot tea before wrapping an arm around my shoulders. She kisses my temple, and I beam up at her.
“How are you?” she asks, chucking my chin.