Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 83676 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 418(@200wpm)___ 335(@250wpm)___ 279(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83676 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 418(@200wpm)___ 335(@250wpm)___ 279(@300wpm)
She swallows hard. “Try living it.”
I sit across from her and lift both of the covers off our food. “I want to kill the fucker. Just letting you know.”
“I know,” she agrees, a small smile pulling at her lips.
“Did you ever care for him?”
She laughs at me, though there is not an ounce of humor in her words. “No. I loathed him, hated him, thought daily of ways to kill him.”
I shake my head after I swallow the huge bite of pancakes I just threw into my mouth. “I’m surprised you didn’t.”
She lets out an exasperated sigh. “I couldn’t, and if I had fought him, he would have waited for Clara and then taken her as his. She was young, easily manipulated. I couldn’t let that happen.”
I swallow past the lump of pancakes, and my body shakes with anxiousness. “You’re an amazing sister, my love.”
“I love them.”
“Anyone who is loved by you is one lucky son of a bitch,” I tell her, reaching across the table for her hand. “What are these dreams?”
She looks away, her eyes wild and sad. “I dream of him beating me and cutting me. Raping me. They are soul-deep, terrifying dreams.”
My stomach drops. “I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how awful that was.”
“It was. But I’m out now.”
I nod, proud of her. Something is nagging in my gut, though. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“Because I don’t owe you my past, my trauma, Ciaran. I want you to have my future, but my past is mine. I have my own issues, and it’s my right to process and talk about them at my pace, not yours.”
She’s absolutely right, but still. “You didn’t have to tell me everything, but you should have told me you were married.”
She shakes her head, standing as her eyes narrow. “I will not apologize for keeping my past where it belongs. Do you think I’m proud of the things I had to do, of what I was put through? No. I hate that part of my life, and while I know it shaped me into who I am now, my past is not our future, Ciaran.”
“I get it. I do, but I hate that you’ve carried this and not confided in me.”
“I didn’t want to. I don’t want to keep reliving it.”
“I understand,” I say, squeezing her hand.
She gives me a small smile; it doesn’t reach her eyes. “I know you told me about Mikayla and it wasn’t easy. But what happened in your past directly affected us, and all that shit I went through doesn’t make or break us,” she tells me, her eyes holding mine hostage. I want to look away, but she won’t allow me to. “The only reason I told you is because of how bad my nightmares are. I don’t want you to worry. I just want your support.”
“That’s not a problem, Lou. I will always support you, and I’m not upset with you at all. I’m sorry if that’s how I’m coming off.”
“No, I’m just keyed up.”
“So am I,” I agree, rubbing her knuckles with my thumb.
After a moment, she looks down at her food. “I was trapped. I was forced to be his. I know you don’t understand—I mean, fuck, a cult? What the fuck, ya know? These things shouldn’t be happening, but that was my reality, Ciaran. My life. And I was forced into things I wouldn’t even allow you to wish on Mikayla.”
That has my heart stopping dead in my chest. Tears stream down her face, and it takes everything in me not to close the distance and brush away each one. Unable to resist, I pull her into my lap, cuddling her close to my chest. I kiss her temple, her brow, before nuzzling my nose against the shell of her ear. “You’re right. I don’t understand. It’s beyond me how something like that is still happening.” I hear her swallow. “I wish I had found you earlier, saved you from all that.” She leans into me, and I squeeze her in my arms. “Not that you needed me to save you—you did it yourself and saved your sisters, like a fucking warrior.”
When she smiles, my heart lurches in my chest. “True, but I’d rather have had you.”
I smile against her ear. “You didn’t deserve that bullshit from anyone. It sickens me that they even called it a marriage.”
“Right?” She scoffs. “That wasn’t a marriage. A marriage is love, support, and happiness. That’s not what that was. It was pure hell.”
I shake my head, my nose brushing against the shell of her ear. “You’ll never feel that way again. Even if I am a dumbass, I’ll be a better husband.”
Her lips curve up. “You would be a good husband.”
“Would?”
Her eyes dance with mine. “Could?”
I give her a look. “Will,” I promise, and her eyes… God, they take my breath away. “I love you, Lou.”