Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 83676 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 418(@200wpm)___ 335(@250wpm)___ 279(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83676 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 418(@200wpm)___ 335(@250wpm)___ 279(@300wpm)
“You look like you’re going to be sick.”
I bet I do. No sleep, horny, and having a mental battle the equivalent of WWII—yeah, I’m sure I look peachy. “I’m fine.”
He cups my shoulder. “You’re going to be a great captain.”
Of course he thinks that’s what’s wrong with me since that’s what should be going through my head. Nerves and fear about leading a team. But I feel none of that. I’m excited, and I’m ready to captain this team to the championship. If I get called up before then, that would be awesome, but I plan to take this role seriously. I want to be the best first captain in history and set the bar high. I know I will, but instead of thinking of my new title or that I’m in a room full of press ready to hear from me, I’m pining over a girl I shouldn’t be.
“Thanks, Cruz.”
“You sure that’s all?” he asks, quietly and only for me.
I nod. “Yeah, just a lot on my mind.”
“I heard you on the phone. Please tell me it isn’t Mikayla.”
My chest tightens at her name. I thought I would hate her forever, but I don’t. I am thankful for the good times, but if I never saw her again, I’d consider it a miracle. “She was asking my mom about me, but Mom shut her down.”
“Thank Jesus.”
“My thoughts exactly.”
“Then what is it? You’re acting weird, bro.”
I swallow hard. “I met someone.”
When he doesn’t comment, I look over at him to see him watching me with concern in his eyes.
“Sorry. You don’t meet girls. You hook up.”
I’d laugh if I had it in me. He isn’t wrong at all. “Yup. Lots on my mind.”
He blows out a breath through his teeth, making a whistling sound. “Well, I wasn’t expecting that.”
“Neither was I,” I admit, shuffling my feet to shake out the nerves. “So, my thoughts are a bit jumbled.”
He nods slowly. “The best ones do that to you.”
Cruz doesn’t struggle with relationships. He’ll jump into one really quick, and he doesn’t let each one that crashes and burns ruin him. I envy him for that. I wish I could just jump in with no cares, but all I can think of is the pain that Mikayla caused me. The betrayal. The loss. They’re all things I don’t ever want to experience again.
Fuck, I’m a lost cause.
“It could be good.”
I nod. “Or it could be Mikayla to the second power.”
Even saying the words, I know that Louisa isn’t even a tiny bit like Mikayla. For one, she’s not a cunt.
Cruz shrugs, holding my gaze. “Listen, I know what she did, but how are you supposed to find a woman to live this life with if you don’t give anyone more than your dick?”
He isn’t wrong, but giving more means giving my heart. I’ve locked that sucker down. But one night with Louisa, and the case I have it in is cracking a bit.
More reason to run.
“And now, our captain, Ciaran Carter.”
With a heaviness in my soul, I walk up to accept my jersey with the C on it. I should be excited. I should be stoked—proud, even—but I just feel empty.
CHAPTER 19
Ciaran
The C on my jersey should really stand for Coward.
I sit in my truck across from Dirty Pages. I don’t usually go in through the front, so I’ve never had the chance to take in the breathtaking view of the front of the shop. The windows that run from floor to ceiling are open today, the golden curtains tied back to let the sun in. Mums in all the fall colors cover every free space, along the walkway, below the windows. In the town of Christmas, Louisa’s store looks more like a shop belonging in the show Wednesday. Everyone else is red, green, and white, but Louisa’s shop is made of black brick.
It’s stunning. It’s her. And I’m dying inside.
On the large black door is the sign for the store, which is a stack of books with a feather duster dusting the top of them. It’s a great play on both the name of the shop and what Louisa sells. It’s genius, really, and I wish I could tie her up and run feathers all over her body until she’s a trembling mess and her lips can’t form anything but my name.
But that won’t be happening.
I swallow as I spin my phone in its holder. It’s probably not the best thing to do to my phone, but I’m anxious. I know I should go in, be honest with her, but I can’t. I know if I do, I’ll have her under that desk and gone will be my sense of self-preservation. I’ll give her all of me, and fuck what happens.
I’ll have her.
I bite my lip when I see her moving through the shop. She’s stacking books, and I assume it’s all the preorders for Tuesday. She’s wearing a pair of tight leggings and a lacy cropped shirt that I notice covers her top completely. I didn’t notice until now that she hides the scars that I want to know everything about. That I want revenge for.