Total pages in book: 119
Estimated words: 114284 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 571(@200wpm)___ 457(@250wpm)___ 381(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 114284 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 571(@200wpm)___ 457(@250wpm)___ 381(@300wpm)
“It’s probably not simple for him, Macklin,” I pointed out. “He gave you a cheeky response because he’s not ready to discuss the truth.”
He frowned and folded his arms over his chest.
I didn’t know why, but I felt a stronger need to defend Lane here before I moved on to my own issues. Possibly because dominance could be an overwhelming responsibility, and when we fucked up, the sub suffered.
“I’m guessing nothing concerning Lane’s mental health is simple to him,” I went on. “You’ve mentioned he’s struggled to be open about his ADHD in the past too.”
“Well, yeah, but he has to tell me now,” Macklin argued. Though, he didn’t sound too certain. “Doesn’t he? I mean, if I don’t know what’s wrong, I can’t help him. I can’t—”
I cut him off as gently as I could. “You say help a lot. You’re not his therapist, sweetheart. It’s wonderful you want to be there for him—and believe me, I understand the desire—but if he isn’t ready to deal with that problem, you can’t force him.” I paused briefly and started driving again. “Your new dynamic is also approximately forty-eight hours old. Lane growing comfortable enough to be honest with you is a slow process, one you both have to put effort into.”
Macklin directed his frown out the window instead. “No wonder I’m doubting if I can do this.”
“You know I despise truism and the notion of one way that applies to everyone, but if you never doubt your abilities, chances are you won’t make a decent Dominant,” I replied. “Just—go slower. Rather than attacking his insecurities, create a space in which he’s comfortable bringing them up. Provide the stability he needs in order to lower his guard.”
His knee began bouncing restlessly, which told me all I needed to know about the havoc that wreaked inside him. “Maybe I can do something on Saturday to show him.”
I cleared my throat again and immediately reined in my temper. Getting pissy would solve nothing—but yeah, his response ticked me off for more than one reason.
“You haven’t acknowledged what I said,” I stated. “When I try to help you, it would be nice if you tell me what you think.”
“Sorry,” he answered quickly. He shook his head and straightened in his seat. “Fuck, I’m sorry, Master. I’m going full steam ahead because the quicker I can get Lane’s issues out of the way, the faster I can dedicate myself more to just being your sub.”
Good Christ. I loved him. I loved him so much, but that wasn’t how this would work. It couldn’t. Lane deserved better than a fast-track Dom who had better things to do, and I deserved better than to have my weekend plans derailed because Macklin had his own priorities.
Even the best intentions could cause harm.
“First of all, you can’t rush-order a solution to Lane’s problems,” I told him. “Second of all, you agreed to attend as my TPE sub on Saturday. How’s that gonna work if you’re already planning on being there as Lane’s Dom? Which, for the record, you didn’t give me a heads-up about. You didn’t ask me before asking him.”
“I know,” he groaned and scrubbed his hands over his face. “I can’t fucking do this, Walker. I’m trying my best to be there for both of you, but however I spin this, someone’s gonna feel ignored or forgotten.”
“No,” I said firmly, getting impatient. I wouldn’t be able to mask my irritation much longer. “We agreed to be each other’s primaries, Macklin. That makes things real simple. You put me first. You come to me before you go to him. And that’s somethin’ Lane agrees with already. Hell, he put it right there in his homework. Square things with Walker first.”
I tightened my grip on the wheel and took a deep breath. Maybe I was driving a little too fast. Fuck. Deep breaths, deep breaths. I slowed down and decided to take the smaller roads till we reached his street.
“I don’t want to be blindsided, Macklin.” I used the word we’d brought up in Florida to remind him of that discussion. “I fully support and encourage your relationship with Lane, but I don’t wanna feel forced to remind you that I come first.”
He averted his gaze out the window again, and I heard him sniffle.
I couldn’t let that get to me, no matter how much it hurt. The last thing I wanted was for Macklin to be upset, but I had to remain consistent. Because just like he had to create stability for Lane, I had to build a foundation for Macklin. He didn’t trust me yet. That would take time. So no, I wasn’t caving. I was gonna be blunt and honest. I was gonna make damn sure I didn’t leave things unsaid.
In the past—before we’d turned into enemies—all it’d taken was for Macklin to cry. Then I’d escaped with him. I’d taken him out of town for the weekend. We’d gone out on my boat. We’d fled reality.