Total pages in book: 120
Estimated words: 112917 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 565(@200wpm)___ 452(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 112917 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 565(@200wpm)___ 452(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
Hidden away from the world, no one knows where I go.
Quiet time with the bear, time away from the show.
When the world becomes too much and I need an escape,
When my heart gets cracked in two, or I get into a scrape.
I run to the mountain, and I step off the road,
Look for signs of the grizzly, and I listen for growls.
He always knows I’m coming, knows I can’t stay away.
It’s a den in a mountain, it’s the bear at its heart.
When the world feels heavy, there’s a place I go,
Where the salmon runs free and the honey flows.
And no one knows…
I’m at home with the bear.
His eyes danced as he plucked the tune out of the strings on his guitar and grinned into the microphone. He didn’t dare turn to look at me, but I felt the same love I had for him coming back to me.
The meaning of the lyrics overwhelmed me.
I was his safe place. His sanctuary. There was no greater gift than hearing that he found peace and comfort with me.
The crowd roared as he thanked them and began to introduce the next artist. When he came off the stage, I wanted to grab him and squeeze him tight. Thank him. Kiss him. Tell the world that it was me. I was the bear who kept him warm at night.
But I didn’t do any of those things. Instead, I waited for him to approach, and then I said in a low voice, “That was amazing.”
He met my eyes and smiled, seemingly unperturbed at the strictures keeping us from being our authentic selves. The irony of not being able to express my love for this man at an LGBTQIA+ event wasn’t lost on me.
I caught Jude Marian shooting me a look of extreme understanding and empathy.
He knew.
And, hell. Maybe you didn’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure out that I was in love with my principal. I probably wasn’t very good at hiding the way I felt about him.
Jude pulled Zane aside to congratulate him and talk about how his song had brought back memories of hearing Lyle Lovett play a bear song many years ago.
I took the opportunity to do a visual sweep of the area in preparation for the most challenging portion of the evening. The security protocols had done a good job so far of restricting the other performers to the far wing, but during the final farewell, all of the performers would be onstage at the same time, taking final bows and waving to the crowd.
There were rules against touching Zane, but I wasn’t sure everyone would take them seriously.
“It’s harder when you love them, isn’t it?”
It took me a minute to register Derek’s words, but then I blew out a breath. “Fuck. Is it that obvious?”
He let out a low chuckle. “Let’s just say now I can see how easily people saw through me and Jude back then.”
“How… how do we…” I tried to figure out how to ask what I wanted to ask.
He shrugged. “You just tell the world you’re a thing. You let the chips fall.”
I couldn’t imagine that. There were way too many chips, and I felt like Zane would be the one to bear the brunt of the impact.
Derek continued. “It’s not the end of the world. Sure, it’ll make a splash, but shit like that comes out all the time and gets taken over by another salacious story soon enough. Hell, our daughter was just telling us earlier today about a rumor going around that some tennis player turned talk show host is dating her bodyguard. It’s not like you invented falling for someone you work with, Ryan. It happens.”
I continued to ruminate on his words as all of the night’s performers went back onstage to thank the crowd, toss out T-shirts and other signed merch to the VIPs in the close rows, and then jog offstage. Finally, we were done.
“Thanks for everything,” I said to Derek as we exchanged our goodbyes.
He nodded. “Don’t be a stranger, okay? And if you ever need anything…”
“I appreciate it,” I said, meaning it. I hadn’t made many friends since moving back to the States, but I got the feeling Derek would be a good one to have.
Zane and I couldn’t do more than exchange a secret smile as we made our way directly to the exit and into a waiting SUV with Lou right behind us. A prearranged escort helped us cut through the crowded streets toward the airport. Within an hour of leaving the backstage area at the arena, we were in the air… and heading home.
I couldn’t fucking wait for the two of us to be in the relative safety of Zane’s Santa Monica house, where we could hopefully have some privacy.
Unfortunately, we were on a chartered jet instead of Zane’s own plane, and there was no private bedroom to sneak away to.