Total pages in book: 122
Estimated words: 114577 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 573(@200wpm)___ 458(@250wpm)___ 382(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 114577 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 573(@200wpm)___ 458(@250wpm)___ 382(@300wpm)
“I was there again, Colt,” Brian signed. “Last night. I was back in that cave.”
Colton scribbled a few words then glanced up at him. “Where did it happen, Brian?”
“At the office.” Brian’s hands moved quickly. He was getting more frustrated as he began to lay out all the details he knew Colton wanted to hear. Where he’d been prior, what he’d been doing, where exactly the flashback had taken him to and for how long. None of the other therapists had seemed to mind Brian having to speak through an electronic device but he’d never gotten a comfortable feeling from them, as if they were putting up with it because they had to, all of them damn near trying to force Brian to talk out loud. Colton had never once asked Brian to try to speak. Not to mention it was a huge plus that Colton could sign, since his wife was hearing-impaired and it seemed that his eleven-year-old daughter may suffer the same genetic fate as her mother. Brian wished he could take the credit for finding such an amazing doctor, but it had all been Ford’s doing. His big brother was very active in his treatment.
“Why this setback now?” Brian’s thick hands made a hard-slapping sound when he formed the word ‘now’. “I can’t take these many steps backwards. There’s no way he’ll…”
Colton sat forward when Brian trailed off. “Finish what you were saying, Brian.”
Brian waved his hand dismissively. He wasn’t surprised his next thought was of Sway. If he couldn’t keep his mind in order, there was no way he was going to have a real relationship. He almost didn’t finish but he wasn’t there for Colton to guess what was going on with him. “You remember the guy I met.”
“Ah yes, the one you met at church.”
Brian didn’t want to scoff a laugh, but he did, which earned Colton a quick flick of Brian’s middle finger. “Fuck you. You know where I met him.”
“And you think that having one flashback in months is going to destroy everything, cancel out all your hard work, ruin your life, make you start all over from scratch.” Colton looked directly at Brian and signed his next words. “It doesn’t work that way. Something can only set you back if you allow it to take you back. You allow it. That flashback has a lot of power, I’ll admit. You know I don’t sugarcoat a damn thing. It only feels like going backwards because it’s in your past, but your future is still very much in front of you and still well within your grasp, Brian.”
Brian nodded. He understood what Colton meant and maybe he had given that flashback more control then he should’ve, but it had scared the shit out of him. Here he’d been thinking that maybe the worst was behind him. He’d always done his PTSD counseling and speech therapy, never slacked off, even when things were going well. Lately he’d been making considerable progress. It was only natural to think this was a big issue. But Colton had a way of making Brian see that things weren’t as bad as he made them.
“You mentioned that you thought the exploding bulb was the trigger,” Colton said calmly. “What did you do the second you heard the sound?”
Brian thought for a moment, lifting his hands to speak then dropping them back into his lap. He frowned, then responded. “I tried to breathe through it. I screamed in my mind for it to stop but… ”
“But… those bastards don’t always listen,” Colton said softly. “I know.”
Brian shook his head, staring at the clock on the wall, not seeing the time. “It started with Jenkins holding me. I could feel his arms. Every strand of hair, every scar, and piece of dirt on his body, I felt it against me, sitting right there on the floor in our office’s break room I could feel Jenkins squeezing me tight, telling me we’d be okay. It was so real. The smell, the sounds, the fear, were all there, Colt, as if it never went away.”
“It did go away. That cave is gone, blown to pieces.” Colton looked hard at Brian. “No matter what your mind allows you to relive, or how many times it takes you there; know that physically it’s impossible for you to ever be there again… ever. Because it doesn’t exist anymore.”
“It does exist, Colton.” Brian tapped his right temple. “In here, it still exists.”
Colton shifted in his chair. “This time it started with Jenkins holding you, why do you think it started there—at that particular point—this time and not in the Humvees right before the explosion like all the others used to?”
Brian thought about it for a second. He’d been so disappointed to have another flashback that he didn’t stop to think that this one wasn’t quite like the others. This time his mind’s focus was on the feelings he had when Jenkins was in the dark room with him with his arms around him, comforting him. “He… he was holding me. Jenkins.” Brian brows turned down as he put it together. “All I was focused on was how it made me feel when he did that. When I came to, I wanted that comfort again.”