Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 84195 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84195 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
I paused, still using my straw to have a sword fight with the ice. The truth was, I couldn’t figure out what to say about Clark. He was adorable and sweet and particular in how he liked things done. He was responsible and serious and went about that whole adult thing I was just thinking about in a completely different way.
But I also didn’t know him super well, even though it felt like I did. Sure, we lived together and shared meals, but we didn’t spend time together outside of that. We hadn’t gone out again since that first day, and he hadn’t come by the Playground like I’d asked him to. Not that he had to. I was sure he had his own life, but…ugh. I couldn’t sort through what I was even thinking.
I said, “He’s exactly how you would have expected young Clark to grow up. He’s…settled.”
“Boring?”
“Oh my God. Shut up! No.” There was nothing boring about Clark, though maybe there should have been. It had to be because he’d made such an impression on me as a kid, and now he’d stumbled into my life again…
“You used to have a crush on him. A mom knows. You didn’t have to tell me for me to see it. You looked at him all moony eyed, and all I could think was, boys like that are heartbreakers because they’re different from us—or at least that has been my experience. I know it hurt when he disappeared and, well…when his mom was so stuffy and wouldn’t let you guys hang out, but that kind of heartbreak was better than the other kind. So just…be careful, okay?”
Sometimes I didn’t understand my mom at all. She was warning me to be careful? I was the one who’d never let a guy hurt me my whole life. She drew broken hearts in like bees to honey. Plus, there was no way Clark could hurt me anyway. We weren’t like that.
“Mom, I was twelve. I was just learning about my sexuality and feeling stuff for the first time. He was cute and made tingling things happen inside my body. That’s it.” The words felt off, like I didn’t quite know how to make them fall off my tongue. Not because of the possibility that I fell for Clark when I was nothing more than a baby, but because it felt like it was minimizing our friendship. Clark had been special for me back then. He’d been more than an image I used when I was learning about my body and what felt good. I wasn’t going to tell her that, though. She’d read something into it. “There is zero chance he could hurt me.”
“Oh, I forgot, that’s because you don’t need no man, right? You’re Skylar the Single—hooking up and hiding your heart, one pretty boy at a time!” She had a smile on her face, and something about that, along with her statement, which was the most ridiculous thing I’d ever heard, made me laugh. Mom dissolved into laughter too, and as crazy as she made me, she was really, really great. I knew there was nothing she wouldn’t do for me.
“That’s funny, but you’re basically right. Why settle for one boy when there are so many fish in the sea?”
“My dear, sweet, jaded boy.” Mom reached over and patted my hand. “Because when they’re worth it, it’s so, so good. There’s nothing like the feeling of being in love.”
My chest tightened, and I slipped my hand away from hers, using my coffee as an excuse. I took a drink, a sinking feeling in my gut about what was going to happen next. Mom was addicted to falling in love, to that feeling I never, ever wanted to experience. It was never long between hits for her. “So…who is he?”
She bit her lip. “His name is Carl. He actually lives in my apartment complex, but that’s good, if you ask me. I’ve seen him around for months. He goes to work every day. He doesn’t have women in and out of his apartment. He’s stable and responsible and…God, for some reason, he seems to like me. I can’t figure out why, but I like him too, Sky. I know it’s only been about a week, but it’s not going to be the same this time.”
I bit back my sigh. She always thought it was going to be different.
“Mom…I thought you were going to be on your own for a while.”
“I know I said that, baby, but Carl is great. He is. I’m not gonna let myself get too wrapped up in him, though. We’re gonna date casually, and that’s all. I’ll make smart decisions this time.”
No doubt, she thought that was true, but…it wasn’t. It never was.
This heaviness weighed on me for the rest of the time we sat in the park, and I couldn’t shake it even after we hugged goodbye and I went home. Well, not home. Clark’s place.