Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 75916 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 380(@200wpm)___ 304(@250wpm)___ 253(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 75916 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 380(@200wpm)___ 304(@250wpm)___ 253(@300wpm)
It was what I’d wanted to hear my whole life—that they accepted me just as I was. Maybe it wouldn’t be so hard to be home now, if I had to come back. Maybe things would be different. “We can give each other makeovers,” I teased, and Mom chuckled.
“Oh, hush, you. I can’t remember the last time I wore makeup.”
“You’re beautiful without it, but there’s nothing wrong with pampering yourself and dressing up sometimes.”
Mom nodded, wiping the drying tears from my face. “Do you love him? Your boyfriend?”
Her question was a shock to my heart. Despite my need to come home and tell them all about Dane, having this conversation with them wasn’t something I’d ever anticipated, not about any guy. “Yeah, Ma. I do. He’s…well, he’s a bit grumpy sometimes. And we’re basically the definition of opposites. He’s quiet when I never shut up, and he thinks things through where I’m impulsive.” And I knew those things were ways I was unlike my parents too. It was another reason they’d never really known what to do with me.
“But?”
“But he’s sweet, when he lets you in. Once those walls fall, you feel like the luckiest person in the world that he let you inside them. He makes me smile in this subtle way. Like I said, he’s not like me, so it’s the little things with him, ya know? He just…makes me feel good. Makes me feel settled, and I never knew I wanted to feel settled before him.”
“Sounds like the way I feel about your father,” Mom said.
“Yeah,” I replied softly. Really when we looked at it, love was all any of us wanted, and it was all the same kind of love. And I loved my parents too. “I’m gonna come home, Mom, even if it’s not forever. I can take a semester off and then decide if I’ll go back next year. You guys need me here. It might be hard for Dad, and I—”
“You’ll do no such thing,” Dad said, his voice raspy.
“We didn’t mean to wake you,” Mom replied.
“You didn’t. I always wake up when I’m needed.” Dad’s eyes on me were intense. “You’re not comin’ home.”
“You’ve said it yourself, I belong here. You’re my family, and I’m supposed to be working this farm with you.” The words were heavy in my chest.
“No, son. You don’t belong here. And not because we don’t love you or want you. You’re too damn bright a light for this place, and the last thing I want is to go to my grave knowing that my dreams for you dimmed that light.”
“Dad… I…” I didn’t know what to say. Or what to feel, other than loved.
“Nearly dying does a thing to a fella. I just… When I was goin’ down, all I was thinkin’ was, what if I died and my boy thinks I don’t love him? Don’t accept him? And listenin’ to you with your mama right now…you talk about that boyfriend of yours the way I always talked about her. Couldn’t believe she would give me the time a day, if I’m being honest. But I loved her and she loved me, and you love that boy just the same.”
I did. I so loved Dane, only I didn’t know if he felt the same about me. Not really. “I do love him, but I love you guys too. You’re my family.”
Dad sighed. “I spent our lives tryin’ to force my dreams to be yours. To make you feel some kinda obligation to somethin’ you shouldn’t be obligated to, and I won’t do it no more, kid. You hear me? I’ll work that damn farm until the day I die, and I’ll… I guess it’s about time I stopped bein’ so damn stubborn and brought in your cousin. I been denyin’ one man his dream and pushing it on another. That’s no way to live.”
“Really? You’re okay with it? It won’t hurt you?”
“A whole lot less than forcin’ you to be unhappy your whole life. And sounds like you got…you got someone special back in Portland. Not even a damn heart attack can keep me away from your mama, and if you love that man, you’re the same.”
And I did, loved him so much that it scared me sometimes. All I could do was hope he loved me too.
40
Dane
Merry Christmas, Dane.
That was it. Nothing else. No easy way to read between the lines, except I did, and basically what I read into it was, I need time. And maybe even, Leave me alone. So I would. I’d go on with my life until I heard from him or we made arrangements for me to pick up my car. But none of that mattered right now. The only thing that did was for Jesse to be there for his family.