Total pages in book: 96
Estimated words: 90899 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 454(@200wpm)___ 364(@250wpm)___ 303(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 90899 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 454(@200wpm)___ 364(@250wpm)___ 303(@300wpm)
I bite the inside of my cheek as I pop the top on my second beer and try to talk myself into joining the dancing. It doesn’t matter that I’ll be the only one dancing alone. Dancing is still fun.
Right?
“Fuck if I know,” I mutter, blaming the aforementioned piece-of-shit sun for the tears that sting into my eyes as I take a pull on my IPA.
“El?” Maya’s voice pulls me from my thoughts. “You okay?”
I glance over to find my bestie reaching for a lemonade from the ice bucket full of drinks on the refreshment table, and I force a smile. I will not ruin this day for anyone else. I will continue to hide my despair until they’re all gone and I’m alone in my apartment, where I can have a good cry.
Or a primal scream. Or whatever feels most fitting after a day pretending that I’m fine with being the one happily-ever-after forgot.
“Yeah, just zoning out a little. It’s been a long day,” I say, my fake smile stretching wider as Anthony appears behind Maya, touching a gentle hand to her hip as he reaches past her to claim a beer.
She glances at him over her shoulder, just for a second, but that’s all it takes for them to exchange one of their deeply-in-love smiles. They are also grossly in love and so sweet and good to each other it’s honestly a little nauseating. They only got engaged a couple of months ago, but they have the energy of people who have been devoted for ages.
They were just…meant to be, and I’m happy for Maya, I really am.
But I’m also lonely. And sad.
And a little jealous, a shameful feeling I do my best to push aside as Maya says, “It has been a long day. But the ceremony was perfect. You did such a beautiful job. You make public speaking look so easy.”
My smile softens, starting to feel a little more natural on my face. “It’s not public speaking if everyone in the audience is a friend.”
“Oh, yes, it is,” she insists. “If you ask me, that’s even worse. I’d be way more worried about making a mistake in front of friends than strangers. Strangers you never have to see again.”
I cock my head to one side. “Yeah, I guess. I never thought of it that way.”
“But if you had made a mistake, it would have been fine,” Maya hurries to add. “I mean, if it had been my ceremony, I wouldn’t have cared. Right, Anthony? We wouldn’t have cared. I mean, on such a happy day, what’s a little mistake?” She glances back at him again, asking in a softer voice, “I’m doing a great job of convincing her to marry us on Tuesday, aren’t I?”
Anthony exhales a soft laugh as my eyes go wide. “Fabulous job. Keeping it very low stress.”
“Tuesday?” I ask, blinking as I glance between them. “Why the rush? You guys just got engaged. And I thought you were thinking about a winter wedding at that lodge in upstate New York?”
“Well, yes, we were but…” The smile that stretches across Maya’s face could light up the darkening beach. “But I’d rather get married before I start to show, and I’m sure my parents would prefer that too, so…”
“Oh my God!” I blurt out as the meaning of her words hits home. “You’re pregnant? Oh my God, congratulations!” I pull her in for a tight hug, her laughter stirring the hair already falling out of my updo.
“Thanks,” she says, laughing as we part. “We’re only two months along, but I swear I’ve already gained ten pounds. If we don’t do it soon, I won’t be able to fit into the dress I bought last week.”
“And most of the people we would want at the wedding are already here through Wednesday,” Anthony adds. “And my family is going to fly up on Sunday so…”
“So, we’d be honored if you’d officiate,” Maya says, capturing my hands and giving them a squeeze. “We’ve shared so much in our lives so far. It would be so special to share this, too.”
“Of course,” I say, my heart swelling with love and breaking into tiny pieces, all at the same time. I tighten my grip on her fingers. “Of course, honey. It would be an honor. We can talk tomorrow about what you’d like for the ceremony, and I’ll start working on it right away.” I motion to the chairs and refreshment tables and other wedding accoutrement. “And we already have everything you need for a ceremony on the beach, so…”
“I know! It will be perfect.” She leans in to hug me again, gushing, “Oh, thank you, Elaina. Thank you.”
I close my eyes, a wave of bittersweet emotion tightening my chest. “My pleasure, love. Anything for my Maya Moo.”
Only she isn’t mine anymore. I know we’ll always be close, but as I wander away down the beach half an hour later, after forcing myself to hit the dance floor with all the lovebirds, I’m plagued by the certainty that none of my friends will ever be mine the way they once were. Their husbands come first for them now, before their friends. And soon, Sydney and Maya will be starting their families.