Total pages in book: 26
Estimated words: 24251 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 121(@200wpm)___ 97(@250wpm)___ 81(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 24251 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 121(@200wpm)___ 97(@250wpm)___ 81(@300wpm)
I gesture down the hall to her closed bedroom door. “She’s asleep. I just put her down before you knocked. Do you want to see her?”
I can tell he does, but then he says, “Yes, but maybe we should talk first. We have a lot to clear up between us.”
It’s awkwardly silent for a moment, both of us unsure of where exactly to begin, and my heart hammers in my chest as he moves into the living room and sits on my couch, leaning forward on his knees with his head down. He breathes deeply and remains silent, and I can’t take the suspense anymore.
“Why didn’t you call?” I demand. “I waited and waited, but you never so much as called once.”
My question makes his head jerk up, and his expression is tense. He’s totally still for a moment, his handsome features unreadable. “I really don’t know, Olivia. I wanted to, but everything just happened so fast. I’m so sorry I hurt you. Please know that I thought of you continuously while I was gone though.”
I nod, biting my lip and looking down at my bare feet with my arms crossed over my chest. “Gone? But where to? What happened?”
The gorgeous man fixes me with an intent look, those blue eyes searing me. “I got a call from Doctors Without Borders the day after our first date. Do you know them? Basically, they place physicians in areas of need, and as you know, with the coronavirus outbreak there were a lot of emergency hotspots. They asked me to go to Italy, and I said yes.”
I nod.
“I get it, but why didn’t you tell me? Email? Or anything?”
He sighs a bit, looking at the floor.
“I don’t know how to explain this because it kind of doesn’t even make sense to me. But the call from Doctors Without Borders came almost immediately after you left the apartment, and I had to make a split-second decision. I thought about phoning you multiple times, but I didn’t want to say goodbye. Does that make sense? It felt like saying goodbye would be harder than saying nothing at all.”
I shake my head, utterly confused.
“But I would have understood. It’s not like it was a real goodbye anyways. It was just temporary. You were coming back to Maine after serving your time, right?”
That’s when he shakes his head.
“But you see, sweetheart, I wasn’t sure about that. The coronavirus is in control now, but back then, Italy was a mess. The transmission rate was sky high and there weren’t enough ventilators. As an emergency worker on the front lines, I was going to be exposed over and over again. I wasn’t sure that I was coming back, to be honest, except in a body bag.”
My mouth drops open.
“It was that bad?”
His expression is grim.
“It was worse than your worst nightmare,” he says in a quiet voice. “I’m proud of what I’ve done, but at that point in time, I wasn’t sure that there was a future for us. I didn’t want to say goodbye because I didn’t want to acknowledge that on some level, I might not come back.”
Suddenly, it all makes sense to me. I’ve always admired physicians, but now, I know that my man stands head and shoulders above the rest. Randall risked his life, love, and happiness to help others in need, putting his own health and safety at risk, and my heart bursts with adoration.
“It’s okay,” I say in a choked voice. “No one’s been making rational decisions lately because of the pandemic. You’re not the only one.”
He nods, although there’s hope in his voice now.
“I’m so sorry, Olivia. I wish I could go back in time and call you. I should have been more forthright, rather than focusing on my fear, and I would give anything to do it all over again. This fucking pandemic has screwed with us all, and I’m so sorry.”
But now, I no longer feel anger. The pandemic is something that is greater than both of us. It’s pushed humans to their limits, and spawned changes to society that will last for years, if not forever. I merely smile at him, my eyes filling with tears.
“It’s okay. I understand,” I say in a soft voice.
Those blue eyes flare.
“You understand, but do you forgive me?” he rasps. “I want you, Olivia, and I want our daughter. Seeing the two of you this morning? I felt suddenly whole again, like a piece of me was back where it belonged. I’m a new man with a new future, but I want you on board. This can’t happen without you and Dorothy,” he says fiercely.
I smile at him again through tears, my heart breaking and yet healing at the same time.
“It’s okay, Randall,” I say in a small voice. “Yes, I forgive you, and yes, I want that too.”