Total pages in book: 77
Estimated words: 73425 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 367(@200wpm)___ 294(@250wpm)___ 245(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73425 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 367(@200wpm)___ 294(@250wpm)___ 245(@300wpm)
But then Angie nods, her expression serious.
“Okay, so you and your preachers were in a threesome. Okay. That’s big city love, but it’s still love. Did they treat you badly?”
Immediately, the words burst out.
“No, of course not. But Auntie Angie, everything went down the toilet the moment we got married. We had a religious marriage, you see,” I explain, the words tripping over themselves as they exit my mouth. “I’d taken a Promise Vow, which is a vow where you promise to keep yourself chaste and pure for your future husband. But then Jason and Jordan decided to get married because they love me and wanted me to honor my vow. Only then could we honor each other as husbands and wife without subverting my promise.”
Oh my god, now that the words are out there, I can hear how absurd they sound. Getting married to two men? Who are also men of the cloth? In order to circumvent my Promise Vow? Maybe I do deserve an exorcism. Just thinking about it sets off a fresh wave of tears.
But Angie still looks thoughtful.
“How can love be so disastrous?”
“I don’t know!” I wail. “I don’t knooooow!”
I break down again, my shoulders heaving as tears flow from my eyes in waves. My grief is so strong that I let out wail after wail like a wounded animal on its last legs.
“I love them! But the congregation couldn’t handle it! When we told them that we were a threesome, they all bailed on Jason and Jordan, and now my husbands have nothing! Everything they worked to build, and now it’s all gone because of meeeeee!”
I know I don’t sound articulate nor convincing, but these words are the truth. I was Jason and Jordan’s downfall, and though I still love them with all my heart, I have caused them immeasurable pain and suffering which they didn’t deserve.
“Take your time, teddy bear,” soothes Angie. “You’re going to be okay.”
But that’s the thing. I’m not going to be okay. I’ve lost the loves of my life, and there’s no way back after the damage I’ve caused.
“Our marriage destroyed everything they worked so hard for, and I couldn’t stay knowing that! And now, my best friend won’t talk to me either because I lied to her for so long. Everyone in my life has been touched by misfortune brought by the mere fact of knowing meeeee!”
My voice rises into a high-pitched wail, and hysterics are beginning to overcome me. This is the first time I’ve really been able to let out my sorrow and anger, and my ten-decibel cries shake the walls of my aunt’s small house.
“Shhh,” soothes Angie. “You’re going to be fine, teddy bear. Just take it easy. Rest your head, baby.”
She pats her lap, and I put my head down. She rubs my hair, sweeping it away from my face and it does soothe me a bit as I take long deep breaths interspersed with small wails and hiccups.
“I have to admit,” she says. “I’d never really heard of polyamorous relationships before that show Big Love. That’s what it’s called right? Polyamorous?”
I nod again, a fresh wave of tears coming. Damnit. I’m being compared to a TV show now, even if my aunt means the best. But Angie is perceptive.
“You know, by watching that TV show, I learned that there are many types of love. After all, love is love. We can’t control whom our heart picks because we don’t have that kind of power.”
My head jerks a bit in surprise. I hadn’t expected my aunt to be so understanding so quickly, but her gentle hand on my head keeps me in my place.
“Like Pope Francis said, who am I to judge? Judgment is reserved for our Father only, and as one of his children, it’s not my place to decide what’s right or wrong. That’s reserved for our Lord in Heaven. So as long as you’re not hurting anyone, I don’t see a problem.”
I pop up, looking at her through teary eyes.
“Really?” I ask. “But what about the congregation? What about how we’ve been shunned, and how my husbands have lost their life’s work?”
Auntie Angie nods slowly, looking solemn.
“I know, sweetheart, but you just have to tell yourself that that’s something that you can’t control. The only thing you can do is to love fiercely, and to not let anybody tell you that your love is right or wrong. It’s hard, but it’s the only way because people will do what they want to do. You can only pray to our Lord that he shows them the way, and that they come around and join you in your celebration. Because it is a celebration, isn’t it? Your relationship was cemented in holy matrimony, and you were given to your men in the eyes of our Lord.”