Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 87921 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87921 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
He smiles as he rolls his eyes, and I’m pleased my silly comment was able to lighten the mood. “We’re just getting to know each other.”
“I typically do that in the bedroom.”
“It’s not the same.”
I know he’s right, but I haven’t lived like that in a long time.
“Jackson, I don’t know that I have much to offer outside of that.”
“Are you crazy? You have plenty to offer. And every day that I’ve spent with you, there’s so much more to you than you’re willing to show everyone.”
“Maybe it’s all in your head.”
His gaze drifts to the floor. He suddenly looks sad about something, but why?
“Derek, there’s something we need to talk about.”
“What? Do you have an STD or something? ’Cause that’s not a deal-breaker for me. We could figure out how to be safe and—”
“No. I just know I need to tell you this before we go any further.”
“Oh my God. Are you in love with me already? Creeper.”
He laughs…I figure because I caught him off guard. And I’m glad the tension of this awkward-ass conversation has dissipated.
“No. It’s something that I haven’t told you about, and I feel like I need to get it off my chest. After the night I took you back to my place, a few weeks later, I saw you at Cypress Grove…with your uncle.”
The blood drains from my face.
I feel naked. And not in the good way. Not like he’s stripped me of my clothes to fucking own my ass, but like he’s revealed something much deeper. Something I haven’t even allowed my own friends to know about.
“You what?” I ask.
It’s not that I didn’t hear him. I can’t quite process this.
“I knew a little about your uncle before you told me because my mom’s staying at Cypress Grove, too. And when I saw you there, you were showing them magic tricks; that’s why I reached out to you after that night. Because I saw there was a lot more to you than some irresponsible, flighty, fuck-happy kid…this image you seem to try and make everyone believe is the real you. And it’s not. You’re so much more than that.”
My eyes water.
Fuck!
I turn away from him to keep him from seeing me like this.
He sets his hand on my shoulder.
I wish he would kiss me now, rip my clothes off, and shove his thick dick inside me. Sex has always been such a great distraction from the pain…from the world…from reality. I just want to get lost in him until I can shake the awful feelings that his words evoke.
But there are so many thoughts racing through my mind.
I’m trying to figure out what’s really bothering me about what Jackson just revealed.
Am I upset that he didn’t tell me this from the get-go? No. Because how do you tell someone about something like that? Am I angry that he kept it a secret this whole time we’ve been talking? Not really because I know Jackson well enough to know he wasn’t doing it to hurt me.
If anything, it feels like he’s peered into my soul, and I don’t have a way to make him forget the things he’s seen. But as exposed as I feel right now, it’s also kind of nice knowing whatever the reason was that he reached out, at least he did. And I know that’s not the only reason he’s still here.
As the tears roll down my cheeks, I keep my head turned away from him. He’s already seen my weakness. He doesn’t need to see me like this, too.
“I need you to go,” I tell him.
“Are you upset?”
I nod. “Yes, but please just go.”
“We need to talk about this.”
I know he means well, but I have to put my foot down. “No. Just go, please. I don’t want you to see me right now.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
He turns me to face him, and I’m so fucking mad that he’s seeing me cry, but like with him knowing about my uncle, there’s something nice about not feeling totally alone.
I collapse against his chest and burst into tears.
What am I doing? I don’t cry in front of people. Ever. Or at least I do my best to keep it together even when I’m about to fall apart. But it’s like the reality of what’s happening with Uncle Randy has slapped me in the face all over again and made me feel so vulnerable.
Jackson’s body against me makes me feel comforted. Secure.
I wrap my arms around him, clinging to him.
“Do you really want me to leave?”
“Please don’t.”
Because I need someone here right now. I need him here.
I don’t think I realized how much I needed someone until he said that. Until he awoke this hurricane of emotions within me.
17
Jackson
“Shh. I got you,” I tell Derek as I thread my fingers through his hair. How long has it been since he’s let go like this? Since he gave in and acknowledged the pain inside of him? Since he leaned on someone…since he was real? Not that I don’t think Derek is genuine in a lot of ways. He does like to joke and have fun and fuck, and that’s great, but he uses those things to pretend that’s all there is to him. It’s easier than letting someone inside.