Total pages in book: 49
Estimated words: 47716 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 239(@200wpm)___ 191(@250wpm)___ 159(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 47716 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 239(@200wpm)___ 191(@250wpm)___ 159(@300wpm)
Wetness blurred Viviana’s vison for a moment, but she willed it away. “Okay. I’m sorry. I never meant to make you feel that way. The kids love you, and so do we.”
“Thank you.”
Viviana thought about how Clarissa had causally called her biological father by a nickname instead of Nicoli, as everyone else did. It wasn’t the first time the older woman slipped with his name, but it made Viviana curious all the same. Obviously the two were involved and emotionally attached enough to have nicknames for one another ... why hadn’t they married or had children?
“After you were with Nicoli, did you ever consider having kids?”
Clarissa snorted, waving the question off. “I was too old to be having my own babies by then.”
“Not that old. Besides, there’s lots of things to help a couple along, now.”
“Sure, but if I was going to have children, I would want them to be my children.”
Viviana didn’t understand. “Wouldn’t they have been? In-vitro, egg harvesting, and that kind of thing exists. It’s expensive, sure, but it works.”
Clarissa shrugged, not meeting Viviana’s gaze as she said, “The man before Nicoli took me wasn’t a good person. To him, I was an object. He hurt me once and it left me damaged. I couldn’t carry to term. Another woman would have needed to be involved to bring the child into the world. Nicoli was willing, I wasn’t. He only ever wanted for me to be happy, so he didn’t push the topic. Remember, he wasn’t a young man, either. Not at that point.”
“Oh.”
“Yes,” Clarissa said in a soft sigh. “Sometimes I think I should have tried ... for him. Behind closed doors, he was the sweetest, most gentle man. He would have been a good father if he was given the chance.”
“He had been,” Viviana replied. “Me. He chose to let me grow up with a different man as my father.”
“Well, if that’s how you feel about it, you’re entitled to your opinions. It’s not entirely wrong, mind you, but it’s not all correct, either. He was never given the option to be a part of your life as your father, but rather, just a man. Maybe an uncle, or something close. When you were older, they would tell you. That was the option Nico was given. He considered other factors, like the danger it might pose to you to be known as his daughter or even just a child he was fond of, so he did what he felt was best.”
“Thank you for explaining that to me. No one ever has.”
“No one really knows, not even Anton. They only know what Nicoli wanted them to. In regards to the things that hurt him, he was very private. Watching you from afar and not being able to have you know him as your father was one of the things that hurt him.”
Viviana pursed her lips. Surely if the two had considered children, they must have discussed marriage, too. “Did you ever want to get married?”
“He proposed once, early on. It was nothing flashy, just him and me together ...” Clarissa trailed off, clearing her throat as her cheeks turned pink. Viviana hid her smirk with the rim of her mug. “Anyway, just him and me. But I felt like I’d been owned by enough men in my life. I didn’t want the paperwork and vows that stated it a fact. At least, that’s how it made me feel at the time. Another mistake, I think, but he never asked again and I was fine with that.”
Clarissa waved at Viviana, shaking her head. “Enough talking. You’re wasting precious sleep time. Go, before one of the babies wake up. We both know you won’t be able to help yourself.”
There was no need for Viviana to be told a second time.
*
Sleep didn’t find Viviana. Instead, she tossed and turned in sheets that smelled like Anton’s earthy spiced cologne. She listened to the baby monitor when Ana woke up and Clarissa went in to soothe the child.
Stuck in her thoughts, Viviana couldn’t help but think of the things she learned about her biological father and the woman he died still loving.
Nicoli and Clarissa had been burdened and held back by the circumstances of their lives. The things they may have wanted together, they couldn’t have for one reason or another. It was sad. Tragic, really. Funny thing, Clarissa didn’t complain. She didn’t bemoan or pine over lost things, but rather, seemed to have accepted them and was happy with the life she did have with her lover.
Like he always did, Anton flashed into Viviana’s mind. They had busy lives, him and her. It was times like now when it felt like they were drawn so thin they might as well be living on different continents. There were days over the last couple of months where all Viviana saw of her husband was his back in bed. The same went for him when it came to seeing her. Anton never complained, and really, Viviana tried not to either.