Total pages in book: 163
Estimated words: 164828 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 824(@200wpm)___ 659(@250wpm)___ 549(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 164828 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 824(@200wpm)___ 659(@250wpm)___ 549(@300wpm)
This feeling of want…
Belonging.
An emotion that has no place in this current climate.
“Can I please come up?” he whispers as his eyes search mine. “Let me make it up to you.”
“Nathe,” I sigh. “I’ve been a really shitty friend this weekend. You have nothing to make up to me. I should be making it up to you.” I turn away from him. “I’ll see you tomorrow night, okay?”
Then I remember my date with Samuel and I spin back to him. “Oh, I can’t tomorrow night. I have something on.”
“What do you have on?”
“I’m going out with Samuel.”
“You told me you didn’t like him.”
I open my mouth to say that I was going tomorrow to tell him I don’t want to see him anymore, but I stop myself.
I don’t need to elaborate any more. Nathan cares for someone else now. “I don’t know. Maybe he isn’t so bad.”
His jaw ticks.
“What’s that look for?”
He shakes his head and steps back from me. “See you later.”
“Nathan.”
He ignores me and walks around to get back into his car.
“What’s your problem? I’m just seeing if I like him, okay?”
He opens the door and holds onto it. “I don’t like him, Eliza. I don’t want you going out with him. Find someone else.”
I put my hands on my hips, annoyed. “You don’t get to pick who I date, Nathan.”
“Oh, but it’s all right for you to not speak to me all weekend when I tell you who I’m dating?”
My mouth falls open in surprise. “You lied to me.”
“I have never fucking lied to you, Eliza. Not once.” He bangs on the roof of his car.
“You didn’t tell me!” I fire back as I feel adrenaline surge through my bloodstream.
Damn it, I am angry. I feel so betrayed.
“Because I wanted to tell you when I knew for certain what was going on.”
“Well, it hurt.”
He shakes his head.
“What’s that look for?”
“You have no idea what hurts.” He sneers.
“Oh, and you do?”
“Yeah, I fucking do.”
I roll my eyes. “Oh, please, what Nathan? You tell me,” I fire back. This is all about him, my anger begins to escalate. “You tell me what hurts!”
“It’s wanting what you can’t fucking have!” he cries. He glares at me and gets in the car before he speeds off down the street. I hear his tires screeching in the distance.
I stare down the street and feel my heart beating hard in my chest.
What the hell is going on with him?
10
Eliza
I walk inside with a heavy heart, and I get into the elevator.
Damn it, what the hell is wrong with me? The one time… the only fucking time, that Nathan needed me to be there for him, and I couldn’t do it. I was so self-absorbed, so green with envy over her.
Ugh, I can’t even say her name without twitching. Stephanie.
I close my eyes in regret. Why didn’t I handle this better? So, he likes another girl. So he told me about it. Would I rather he lied?
And here I was thinking that me and him were perhaps…having moments.
I close my eyes and bump the back of my head onto the elevator wall.
You idiot.
God, Eliza, this takes the cake for the most selfish dick move of all time.
Your best friend opens up and tells you he’s confused about his sexuality, and you get angry with him.
I’m a selfish fucking cow.
The doors of the elevator open, and I stare out into the corridor for a moment.
I can’t go inside feeling like this. I hit the ground button, hard. I’m going over there. Nathan needs me, and God damn it, I’m going to show up.
This is not about me, this is about him. Why would I act like this?
Jealousy. God damn it, why am I so selfish?
Twenty minutes later, I get out of my cab outside Nathan’s apartment.
I dial his number as I peer up to the lights on the tenth floor.
“What’s wrong?” he answers.
“I’m downstairs.”
“What, why?”
“Are you letting me in or not?” I ask in frustration.
“I’ll call the doorman.” The phone goes dead.
I pace as I wait out on the sidewalk. Nathan’s building’s security is tight, and this is the first time I’ve come here without him. He’s always at my house. I’ve never needed a key to his. Jolie’s words come back to me.
It’s his booty-call place.
My stomach rolls at the thought. God, I really need to get a handle on myself here. What in the hell is all this ownership about? Moments later, the doorman opens the door to the building.
“Eliza?”
“Yes.”
“Come in.” He gestures to the lift with his hand and then swipes his security pass and presses the button to level ten.
“Thank you.” I smile, and he gives me a kind nod.
I ride to level ten with nerves dancing in my stomach. After being shocked into silence all weekend, I’ve suddenly so much I want to say. Not that any of it makes sense…