Total pages in book: 127
Estimated words: 121460 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 607(@200wpm)___ 486(@250wpm)___ 405(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 121460 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 607(@200wpm)___ 486(@250wpm)___ 405(@300wpm)
Was I?
“I saw you towering over a woman half your size and talking to her like she was shit on your shoe. Is that who you are, Brodan? Because if so, tell me now, and you won’t need to fire me. I’ll see myself out.”
Bile rose in my throat.
“You should never have come back here. No one wants you here.”
Self-directed disgust floored me. I felt so lost. So detached from myself. This wasn’t me. This wasn’t the man I wanted to be. The last few weeks rolled through my mind, and I stood outside myself, seeing the way I’d treated Monroe. Even if she had abandoned me when I needed her most … did I really want to be the man who acted like this? Someone I hated? Someone my friends no longer respected?
I scrubbed my hand over my face, exhausted. “Fuck. Fuck, fuck!”
Walker stared at me stonily.
Flinching at his disappointment, I apologized, feeling like a wee boy. “I’m sorry, Walk. I … it won’t happen again.”
“It’s not me you need to apologize to.”
The very thought of being vulnerable toward Monroe shriveled my balls. “I can’t.” I looked at the cafeteria doors, the noise behind them increasing beyond bearing. “You don’t understand. And I can’t go back in there. Will you tell them I felt unwell and had to leave early?”
“What the fuck is going on, Brodan?”
Monroe’s downcast face flittered across my mind. “She takes me back to a terrible time in my life. But you’re right.” I rubbed my chest, trying to soothe the sharp pain. “It’s no excuse. Eighteen years ago … well, if I’d seen someone treat Monroe the way I’ve been treating her, I’d have laid them out. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me.”
“You know …” Walker shifted uncomfortably. “You can talk to me if you need to.”
I appreciated that and said so. “But I just want to forget it. I don’t want to dredge it up.”
“I don’t know if that’s working for you. And while I thought me making your decisions for a while might be a good thing, I see I was wrong. Your life is yours again, Brodan. Keep your Black Shadow. It’s time to make your own decisions.”
I nodded, understanding. “My first decision is … to not be here.” And with that, I turned and walked away before Walker could say anything else.
The truth was, I wasn’t sure if I was angry at Monroe, or if I was just using her as a punching bag. But no woman, no person, deserved that, and if I couldn’t fix my head enough to be around her, then I couldn’t be around her.
But not being around her meant letting Lewis down.
So all that was left to do was bury the anger and move on.
16
Brodan
It was the first time in a few weeks that the Adairs found themselves all in one place. Thane’s house was filled with my siblings, their partners, and their children as I strolled into the living area. My nerves had been torn to shreds the last few days, but while standing there, taking them all in, a sense of peace calmed me.
This was what I needed.
My family.
The room smelled amazing, rich with Regan’s cooking. The island was laden with ingredients for chicken tacos. Nice.
“Uncle Brodan!” Eilidh yelled before jumping off the couch.
Pure love filled me as I lifted my niece into my arms. Her long legs dangled comically. “Hi, princess. How are you today? Treating your royal subjects well, I hope.”
Eilidh wrinkled her nose as she wrapped her arms around my neck. “They make it hard sometimes. Especially Mum.”
“Eilidh Adair,” Regan, who was nearest to us in the kitchen with Robyn, admonished half-jokingly.
I snorted as Eilidh grimaced and whispered, “Oops. Forgot she was there.”
“What did I ever do to you?” Regan huffed, hands on her hips.
“You know what you did,” she said like a forty-year-old.
Shaking with laughter, I lowered Eilidh to her feet, and she gave Regan a raised eyebrow and stalked off to throw herself back onto the couch beside Arran and Eredine.
“I have no idea what I did.” Regan looked at her sister in confusion. “Do you?”
Robyn shrugged. “No, but if you’re already getting that kind of sass from her, you’re screwed when she’s a teenager.”
“You gave birth to an Adair, so good luck when Vivien starts talking.”
Leaving the sisters to tease each other, I wandered farther into the room, greeting everyone. “Where are my other two favorite nieces?”
“Napping upstairs,” Lachlan answered. He sat in Thane’s armchair, eyes closed.
I chuckled as Mac nodded from where he sat at the dining table with Arro. “The girls sleep whenever they’re together.”
“Aye, I think we’ll all have to move in together,” Arro cracked.
Lachlan’s eyes opened. “It’s sad that I almost want to do that.”
I patted my big brother’s shoulder as I passed. “Sleepless nights?”