Total pages in book: 127
Estimated words: 121460 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 607(@200wpm)___ 486(@250wpm)___ 405(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 121460 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 607(@200wpm)___ 486(@250wpm)___ 405(@300wpm)
For my wife, I’d do anything.
Even hover outside our shared office, eavesdropping on her like a spying creep.
Why would I do something that raised a red flag in any relationship?
Because for the last few weeks, I’d noted Regan’s preoccupation. While she came easily into my arms anytime I reached for her, I could sense her mind was elsewhere. This made me extremely uneasy because Regan was one of the most open people I’d ever met. And there would always be that tiny voice in the back of my head questioning why a gorgeous young woman would want to stay in the Scottish Highlands to be wife to a man thirteen years her senior and stepmum to his kids.
I’d gotten very good at silencing that voice. Regan made it easy. She showed us every day that she was more than content with our life together.
This sudden distance I felt from her bothered me to where it was all I could think about. Was she sick? Was she growing discontent? Had I forgotten something important or said the wrong thing? What the fuck was going on? I was not a man who enjoyed this unfamiliar feeling of insecurity. When I asked her to tell me what was wrong, she gave me a smile that didn’t reach her eyes, kissed me, and told me she was tired.
Construction had commenced on her soon-to-be preschool just as she was finishing her business degree while also dealing with all the agencies she needed to register herself and the business with. It was a plausible excuse. But I knew she was lying.
And that worried the fuck out of me too.
My concern morphed and changed three days ago when I was putting out the rubbish and the bag broke. I was outside, muttering curse words under my breath, trying to shove everything back in and grimacing at the unknown substance deposited on my hands, when I spotted an object that had fallen out with the waste.
A pregnancy test.
For a moment, I could only stare at it.
Then, shaking out of my shock, I picked it up. Moving into the bright outdoor light, I squinted at the words printed on the white stick.
Pregnant = two lines.
Not pregnant = one line.
Two red lines stared up at me.
Suddenly Regan’s distance made sense.
Sort of.
A mix of elation and fear and anticipation filled me. I’d felt those emotions twice before. They were definitely more heightened with Lewis because I was a first-time dad. I felt more assured with Eilidh. Now I felt more of the excitement than the fear.
A child with Regan.
Ours.
But why would this preoccupy her? Why would she keep it from me?
I waited over the next few days for her to tell me the news. But nothing. In fact, Regan seemed to grow even more distant. When I woke in the morning, she was already up and about and keeping herself so busy, as if to avoid talking to me. I couldn’t work it out.
Did she not want a child with me?
That made little sense. She’d told me before we ever got engaged that as much as she loved Eilidh and Lewis, she would like another child.
We’d not spoken of it since, though.
The fear that Regan didn’t want a child with me was probably irrational, but I couldn’t ignore it. It made me act like a fool.
That’s how I found myself eavesdropping on my wife’s phone call to her sister instead of manning up and telling her I knew she was pregnant.
“I can’t really talk here.” I heard Regan say softly. I strained to hear better. “No, Thane’s home. The kids are out with Arran and Ery … I did go … I didn’t call you last night because I couldn’t get away from Thane.”
I frowned at that. Get away from me?
“He knows something’s wrong,” she whispered. “I feel so bad for keeping this from him … Yeah, the doc confirmed it yesterday … I know … Robbie, I know … I’m not making this up in my head and turning it into an unnecessary drama,” she snapped. There was silence on her end, then a quiet, “I know you didn’t mean it like that, but when Vivien and Skye were born, Thane said, and I quote, ‘The thought of going through that again makes me tired in my very bones.’”
With the heavy suddenness of an anvil dropping, understanding slammed into me.
“That’s a pretty emphatic thing to say.”
Dammit, I did say that.
I closed my eyes and squeezed the bridge of my nose. What a stupid fucking thing to say to her.
“What if … Robbie, we’re so happy … what if this screws it up?” More silence and then my chest caved at the sound of her sniffle. “I want this baby so badly … I know … I don’t know why I’m freaking out so much … Really? You think it’s hormones?”