Total pages in book: 97
Estimated words: 92136 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 461(@200wpm)___ 369(@250wpm)___ 307(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92136 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 461(@200wpm)___ 369(@250wpm)___ 307(@300wpm)
“Oh, he was so appalled.” Despite everything, even I cracked a smile. “You’d have thought I asked him to eat the thing. It actually was kind of funny.”
Later, when they were leaving, I said to Maren, “Your offer still good to help me find some peace and balance? I think I could use some.”
“Of course,” she said. “I think it’s a great idea to use this opportunity to work on yourself. Turn your focus inward.”
I nodded. “I’d like to break out of my harmful romantic patterns. I feel like I keep doing the same thing over and over again, like a hamster in one of those wheels. I need to do something different, change my approach or something. I really thought Nate was something special, that what we had was the real thing, but—” I lifted my shoulders as my eyes teared up—“I was wrong again.”
“Listen, I have just the thing,” she said. “Can you meet me at the studio at four?”
I had no work event scheduled that night, so it would work. “Yes. See you then.”
Just the thing turned out to be a really difficult yoga class. I did my best to wrangle my feet behind my head and put my knees next to my ears and balance on my butt with my arms and legs in the air, but I was pretty much abysmal at all the poses except for Happy Baby, which actually made me laugh a little, it was so pathetic. Maybe that had been her plan all along?
Nope.
“You’re not supposed to laugh in class,” Maren whispered to me afterward. “People might think you are laughing at them.”
“I was laughing at myself,” I told her. “All those poses were so hard. I failed at all of them, and even on Happy Baby I had to try like three times to get my left foot in my hand. Aren’t I allowed to laugh at myself? I either had to laugh or cry, and I figured crying would be more embarrassing.”
Maren sighed. “Instead of laughing at yourself, why not focus on your breathing instead, what your muscles feel like, or what your body is capable of instead of thinking of it as failing?” She handed me a bottle of water from the fridge behind the desk. “Here, drink this. It’s important to stay hydrated. You can bring it into the next class with you.”
“The next class? I have to do another one?” I was already drenched in sweat and looking forward to a shower, my pajamas, and a glass of wine.
“I think this one is going to be very good for you.”
“Good for me how? Is it another yoga class? Because I feel bad enough about myself as it is.” And nothing was taking Nate off my mind.
“It’s not a yoga class.” She busied herself with something on the desk, and I immediately got suspicious.
“So what kind of class is it?”
“It’s an affirmations session focusing on love and relationships,” she said, needlessly straightening a stack of papers. “And it’s going to be really good for you.”
“Affirmations? Is that like meditation?”
“Sort of,” she hedged, taking a long drink from her water bottle. “But affirmations are spoken out loud.”
I gaped at her. “I have to speak out loud in there? No way.”
“You said you wanted to break out of your harmful patterns, Emme. We can’t rely only on our thoughts when we need to rewire ourselves like you’re trying to do. We need to translate thoughts into words and words into actions in order to manifest our intentions.”
“That sounds like a load of horseshit. I’m out of here.” I looked around for the nearest exit, and she grabbed my arm.
“No! You don’t want to be the hamster anymore, do you?”
“No,” I admitted.
“Then stay. And trust me,” she said, leading me into one of the smaller rooms off the lobby. “It’s going to be great.”
I had my doubts, but I followed her into the room anyway, figuring a hamster had nothing to lose.
Other than Maren and me, there were about ten other students plus the instructor, Harmony, in the room. Eight of them were women, and two were men. We all sat in a circle and the first thing Harmony wanted us to do was to voice one of the negative thoughts stuck in a loop in our brains. Most of the women said things like I’m not pretty enough, I’m not thin enough, or I’ll never find someone. It was so depressing. Why did so many people do this to themselves? When it was Maren’s turn, she said, “I don’t really matter to the world. I feel insignificant.”
I was so stunned by her statement that I didn’t even realize it was my turn next. Everyone was waiting for me to speak, and she elbowed me in the side. “Emme,” she whispered. “Go.”