Total pages in book: 97
Estimated words: 92136 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 461(@200wpm)___ 369(@250wpm)___ 307(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92136 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 461(@200wpm)___ 369(@250wpm)___ 307(@300wpm)
“You should have been sleeping.” I smoothed my hair and looked around for my shoes.
“Fuck sleeping. Hey. Come here for a second.” He reached out and took my hand, pulling me onto his lap. “Are we okay?”
“Yes,” I said, and I meant it. “I mean, I don’t really know what we’re doing, but I’m okay with that.”
He nodded. “What made you come over tonight?”
“Truth? I just wanted to be with you. I’d been thinking of you all day.”
“Same.” He wrapped his arms around me. “When you called and said you were cooking spaghetti and meatballs, I was dying to ask you to come over with some.”
“Why didn’t you?”
He exhaled. “Because I’d promised myself I wouldn’t call you today. I wanted to prove that I could get through one fucking day without your help. And…and I wasn’t—I’m not—comfortable feeling like I need someone.”
“That’s silly. Everyone needs someone sometimes.”
“Not me. Not until now.”
My toes tingled, I was so happy. “It’s okay. I’ll keep it a secret.”
He laughed a little. “Thanks. Anyway, when you showed up with food and that smile and two helping hands and adult conversation…I’d never been so glad to see anyone, ever. And I’m not sorry about what we did.”
“Good. Me either.”
“But I’m worried.”
“About what?”
“About disappointing you. I can’t…be what you need. I’m already overwhelmed trying to be what Paisley needs.”
“But you know what’s crazy? Somehow, that is exactly what I need—to see you, in all your alpha male I-don’t-show-my-feelings glory, stepping into the role of father and showing you care. You’re reaffirming my faith in the male species, Nate.” I patted him on the back, and he laughed. “And you’re good to me,” I went on. “I feel good when I’m with you. I don’t care what we call this. You don’t have to be my boyfriend. And I don’t need any promises, other than that you’ll keep talking to me like this. Openly and honestly.”
“I’ll try.” Exhaling, he rested his forehead on mine. “I don’t want to fuck up, but I’m not good at this. Be patient with me?”
“Of course.” I started to get up, and Nate held me in place.
Then he took my head in his hands and planted a kiss on my lips. Then another. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” I got to my feet. “Now get some sleep. Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He stood too. “Oh, God. That reminds me. I hate to even ask, but is there any way you could watch her for a couple hours in the morning? I have to be at the office to hand off some files, and I’m trying to avoid having to bring her.”
“Sure, no problem. Will you be back by noon? I have to be at Coco’s around twelve-thirty.”
“Definitely.”
“What time in the morning?” I asked, stifling a yawn as I pulled on my Uggs.
He cringed. “I hate to say it, because it’s so late now, but eight?”
“I’ll be here.”
He walked me to the door, opened it up, and kissed me one last time. “You’re the best.”
I shrugged. “It’s the least I can do after you saved me from burning down the building.”
“Jesus, I’d forgotten about that.” He laughed, shaking his head. “Only you. Goodnight, Calamity.”
I smiled. “Night.”
Later, as I lay beneath the covers, I kept trying to poke and prod at my psyche, wondering if I was really okay with the sort of friends-with-benefits arrangement Nate and I had alluded to, or if I was lying to myself only so I could be with him. But no matter how many emotional rocks I turned over, I surprised myself by feeling okay. After all, the sex hadn’t been meaningless. It hadn’t felt cheap or gratuitous or impersonal. We hadn’t used each other like anatomically correct robots performing a mechanical act.
In short, I hadn’t felt like Slot B receiving Part A.
Had he thrown himself at my feet to declare his undying love? No. But that was okay. When it was over, I’d felt closer to him than I had before, and that was enough. And I liked that he’d been up front about his insecurities and his fear of disappointing me. Actual feelings! That felt like a huge step in a different direction. A new direction.
I’d move in a new direction, too. I certainly didn’t need to repeat my usual song and dance routine, the one where I hurled myself body, heart, and soul into a new relationship and expected the guy to do the same. It had backfired every time.
This time, I vowed, would be different.
I would be understanding. I would be patient. I would slow down and enjoy the ride, wherever it took us.
But I really, really hoped it took us somewhere together.
Monday morning, my alarm went off at 6:45 AM, and I smiled upon awakening, even though I’d only gotten about five hours of sleep. It was the happiest I’d felt in a long time.