Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 84401 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 422(@200wpm)___ 338(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84401 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 422(@200wpm)___ 338(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
I huffed. “If you’ve never tried it, then you can’t know.”
“My father was a major asshole, Evie,” Xavier said suddenly, and I became still. Except for that brief mention after the women’s shelter, he had never talked about his father, nor had anybody else from his family. His gray eyes held apprehension and pain at a memory from his past. I touched his chest, trying to encourage him without words to go on. “An abusive asshole, physically and mentally. He beat my mother and later Marc and me. He was a horrible human being, but Mom stayed with him for a long time. He could be charming if he tried, and he always managed to convince her that he would change, that he wouldn’t beat her again. She tried protecting us and got beaten up for it all the time. He punched her and kicked her, tore at her hair, called her horrible names…”
He fell silent.
“So,” I began. “You’re worried you’ll be like him?” It was a ridiculous notion. Xavier wasn’t violent or cruel. He was a womanizer, and while he had certainly broken a few hearts, that was a far cry from being an abusive asshole. Most women knew exactly what they were getting into when they slept with Xavier. He was all over the news with his sexual endeavors. Even I had known.
“I look like him,” Xavier said. “And I have his charm. Women want to believe whatever I say. I can be convincing.”
“Let me stop you right there,” I said. I jabbed my finger into his hard chest. “I don’t know your father but I know you, and you aren’t abusive, Xavier. You are funny and cocky and caring. You take care of your family, you protect them, you love them. You would never hurt someone you love or care about. You are not your father, trust me.”
He still didn’t look convinced.
I took his hand, strong and rough. I curled his fingers until they formed a fist, then I raised it between us. “Can you imagine punching me?” I asked, bringing his fist to my cheek.
He tensed, his eyes wide and horrified. “No.”
A small smile tugged at my lips. I brought his fist to my lips and kissed his knuckles. “Not even when I annoy you?” I teased.
“No, never, and least of all when you annoy me.”
I unfolded his hand and pressed his palm against my cheek. “What about a slap? Ever thought about slapping me?”
“No,” Xavier said in a low voice. He was still tense, his eyes intense as if I was telling a story that had him on the edge of his seat.
“Hurting me?”
“No.”
“Insulting me?”
“No, fuck no,” he almost growled.
I released his hand and smiled. “See. You have nothing to worry about.”
Xavier sighed. “I never wanted to risk anything. Love turned my mother into a fool. She let him hurt her. And he almost destroyed our entire family.”
“But he didn’t. You have a wonderful family. What about him? Where is he?”
“I don’t know and I don’t care. Last time I saw him was when he was sent to jail thirteen years ago.”
My eyes widened. “Oh. Why?”
“My mother left him. She tried to get into a women’s shelter but they were all crowded, so she went to a friend instead. My father found her, beat her up and threw Willow down a staircase.”
Tears sprang into my eyes. “That’s why she’s in a wheelchair?”
“Yeah,” Xavier said quietly. He looked away and swallowed. I slipped off the stool and wrapped my arm around his middle, then pressed my cheek against his chest, holding on to him tightly. Xavier wrapped me into a tight embrace in turn and rested his chin on top of my head. We stood like that for a long time and I wondered if anything would ever feel as wonderful as being in Xavier’s embrace, hearing his heartbeat, feeling his warmth and strength.
When we finally pulled back, I wasn’t sure what to say. I doubted Xavier had ever talked to anyone outside of his family about what happened, and that he entrusted such a horrific memory to me felt like an incredible gift.
“Taking a depressing trip down memory lane wasn’t how I imagined this conversation would go. I thought there would be hot make-up sex.”
I rolled my eyes, allowing Xavier to lighten the mood. “There won’t be any kind of sex today.” Then added when Xavier gave me a cocky grin, “Or tomorrow. Or the day after tomorrow.”
Xavier nodded once, resigned. “I guess that means that’s no to dating me. I get it. After that depressing story I wouldn’t want to date me either,” he said jokingly, but I caught the hint of vulnerability behind his words.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” I said. “I didn’t say no to dating. I said no to sex.”
“Isn’t that the same?”
I snorted. “For you maybe.” Then I turned serious. “If you’re serious about giving dating a try, about us, then we should start our relationship from scratch. And that means go on dates, and no sex. For you it’s always only been about sex when you were with a woman, but I need this to be about more than that. I can only give us a chance if you agree to a no-sex rule for the time being.”