Total pages in book: 77
Estimated words: 71082 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 355(@200wpm)___ 284(@250wpm)___ 237(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 71082 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 355(@200wpm)___ 284(@250wpm)___ 237(@300wpm)
My own memories. Because the ones I keep reaching for don't belong to me. They probably belong to the startled woman who has the same face. Oh god. I hug my knees to my chest, no longer hungry. It had been easy to ignore the patchwork memories when the slavers kept me full of medication. I could explain away the disjointedness as the impact of the drugs on my memory. I knew I wasn't from here. Knew that I'd somehow been stolen from Earth. But so much of it was just fog and a feeling that something wasn't quite right. "Where is she? The other woman?"
"Ruth? She'll probably come and talk to you later." His friendly expression fades. "She's not...happy about things. Her husband's been comforting her."
Well, that makes two of us “not happy about things.” I just feel worse about everything, though, and my shoulders slump. I'm the intruder. She lives on this ship. She has a husband. She's the one that belongs, not me. "Am I ruining her life?"
"You're ruining no one's life," he reassures me. "Being a clone isn't something dreadful or to be feared. I'm a clone. The rest of the crew are clones. It's just...who you are. You'll settle into your skin soon enough. Until then, I'm happy to stay by your side and help out." Kazex gestures at the tray of food. "Now come on, eat. A full belly helps a lot of things."
I pick up the bowl of noodles again, and when he smiles at me, I offer a tentative smile back. "Why are you being so nice?"
Kazex's smile grows broader, and it really is a wonderful smile. His entire face lights up and his eyes are so kind. When he's smiling like this, I like to look at him. "Do you want the real truth or do you want the polite version?"
"I want the real truth. Don't sugar-coat anything for me." I swirl noodles around the end of one of the strange, not-quite-chopsticks utensils and deliver the wad of food to my mouth.
"It's because I'm in love with you."
I nearly choke on the noodles, pressing the back of my hand to my mouth to keep everything inside as I cough. "W-what?"
"I'm in love with you," Kazex says. "The moment I saw you, I knew." He puts a hand in the air at my panicked look. "You don't have to love me back. I know it's sudden. I'm just telling you the truth of how I feel. I'm helping you because I can't walk away. Because I love you and you need someone. I want to be that someone.”
I manage to chew the noodles and swallow the mouthful, then swipe at my mouth. "I-I don't know what to say. I'm not—I don't even know who I am—"
"It's all right. You don't have to say anything." Kazex's smile is unbothered. He points one of the eating sticks at a pile of greens. "Those are pickled, by the way. You might like them. The white ones are very spicy."
"I..."
He notices my hesitation. "You told me not to sweeten my words, so I didn't. I told you the truth even though I know it seems strange. I don't require anything of you, Ruthie. I can wait. I know everything is strange for you right now. I just want you to know that I'm here for you. And if you ever want more, you know where to find me."
"And...if I don't want more? Ever?" How can I even think about falling in love with anyone right now? Kazex is being really nice, but we just met. He cannot possibly be truly in love with me.
"If you never want more, then we remain friends." Kazex shrugs, unbothered. "It does not change how I feel about you. I am just putting it out there so you know. You asked why I'm helping, and I am telling you. I want to be your friend, but I also want to be more. If all you want is a friend, then that's all we are. Now...pickles?"
I hesitate.
"I'm not going to push you, Ruthie. I'm just going to be here for you. I promise."
Here for me. Someone I can count on and rely on. Someone that cares for me and will have my back. "I think I'd really like that."
CHAPTER
FOUR
NOW
KAZEX
“I’m going to run a cantina here on Risda,” Erzah announces at the nightly sticks game on the Scarlet Gaze. We're in our usual seats around the large round table in the center of the rec area. There's a gladiator fight playing on the comm, but no one's watching it. We've had a few brews and Zaemen puffed on a carcinogel. Everyone's feeling loose and relaxed, if a little bored.
Hard not to be when the Gaze has been docked on quaint, quiet Risda III for the last few months. Not surprising to me that Erzah has decided he's got a new idea in his head instead of just being crew.