Total pages in book: 92
Estimated words: 89265 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 446(@200wpm)___ 357(@250wpm)___ 298(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 89265 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 446(@200wpm)___ 357(@250wpm)___ 298(@300wpm)
And I remembered the blast that took his life. He never had a chance.
Bones and Kopecki had been tight.
Sure I do, I texted back to Bones. He was a great guy.
Bones replied right away. I miss him. I miss everybody.
I know, I typed. It was a lame way to reply, but I had no wisdom to offer Bones. Missing people was the fucking worst. But there was nothing you could do about it, and the more you sat around remembering them, the worse it got. You had to shut that shit down.
That was why I couldn’t see Stella again. She had me feeling things that made me nervous, things that were more than physical. Connection. Understanding. Ease.
And if I wasn’t careful, I might start to feel other things too—things that had threatened to destroy me, things I’d worked so hard to escape. Guilt. Grief. Regret. The kind that could swallow you whole.
I couldn’t risk it. Not even for her.
Sixteen
Stella
The following morning, I took an early run, going in the opposite direction of Ryan’s house. I wasn’t sure I could handle seeing him yet.
I tried not to think about him as I ran, but it was impossible. Somehow every thought led back to him and what we’d done. What I’d been able to do.
For the first time, I’d been able to relax enough with another person to actually enjoy sex. Like, a lot. So much that I was kind of devastated that it didn’t appear Ryan was interested in doing it again. So had it not been as good for him? I didn’t want to draw that conclusion, but what other conclusion was there to draw? Why else would he have suddenly blown me off?
Immediately feelings of insecurity and self-loathing began to eat at me. I wasn’t hot. I wasn’t sensual. I wasn’t the kind of woman to make him want more.
Stop thinking about it.
I forced myself to focus on my form, my breathing, my pace. Anything but last night.
When I got back to Grams’s house, she was already up. The kitchen smelled like coffee and something sweet in the oven.
“Good morning, dear!” she chirped. “I’ve made us some nice dark roast and blueberry muffins.”
“Thanks,” I said, grabbing a glass from the cupboard and filling it with water. “I’m not hungry right this second, but I might eat something later.”
“Not hungry? How can that be? Didn’t you work up enough of an appetite last night?”
“Last night?” I faced her, noting the sly smile.
“Well, yes. Weren’t you with Mr. Woods last night? I imagine he’s pretty good in the feathers. The type to really make you sweat.” Her eyes danced over the rim of her coffee cup.
“Jesus, Grams. Enough.” I turned back to the sink and drank the water down.
“You mean you weren’t with Mr. Woods? Oh, pardon me, dear. My mistake.”
I refilled the glass and drained it again before setting it in the sink. “I’m going to take a shower.”
“All right.”
“What time is your appointment?”
“What appointment?”
I faced her again. “The one with your orthopedic surgeon? For your hips?”
“Oh, that.” She waved a hand in the air. “I canceled that.”
“What?”
“It’s just that I feel so much better this week. I’d feel terrible wasting his time! And I don’t want to waste your precious visit at the doctor’s office. I’d rather spend the day baking something again—maybe a Bundt cake this time. Or some chocolate bread pudding! I’m sure Mr. Woods will love that.”
“Grams, stop.”
“Stop what, dear?”
“Stop trying to play matchmaker for Ryan and me. It’s not working.”
“Why, sure it is. You’re smitten with him, I can tell. The moment I mention his name, your cheeks get pink. That’s a sure sign.” She nodded knowingly.
“I’m not smitten with anyone, okay? And Ryan is a grown man, set in his ways. He’s not interested in committing to something, and I’m not interested in fooling around.” That wasn’t exactly true, I was totally down for more fooling around with him, but I didn’t want Grams to get attached to the idea of us being a thing. She’d never give up.
“Okay, dear. That’s fine.” She went over to her coffee pot and refilled her cup. “I don’t mean to meddle, I was only trying to help two wonderful people be a little less lonely.”
Instantly, I felt guilty. “It’s all right. I know you were only trying to help, but I really don’t need it. Okay?”
She smiled at me and patted my arm. “Of course, darling.”
“Thanks.”
“But I still think we should make him the chocolate bread pudding. It has the most delicious salted caramel topping. I’ll just dig out that recipe and—”
“Grams, no!” I could see this would take a more direct approach. “Okay, fine, Ryan and I did work up an appetite last night and yes, he’s damn good in the feathers. But afterward, he made it clear he was done with me. He wouldn’t even accept my invitation to come to dinner tonight.”