Total pages in book: 92
Estimated words: 89265 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 446(@200wpm)___ 357(@250wpm)___ 298(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 89265 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 446(@200wpm)___ 357(@250wpm)___ 298(@300wpm)
Suddenly she threw her arms around me. “You too.”
I hugged her back, although it was a bit awkward. She was considerably shorter than Stella, and I sort of felt like a bear hugging a chipmunk.
She let go and moved around the table to hug and kiss her grandmother. “Night, Grams. Thanks for dinner.”
“You’re welcome, darling.” Her grandmother got to her feet and yawned, too. “I’d best put myself to bed as well. Goodnight, lovebirds. See you tomorrow.” On her way to her bedroom, she turned off the lights, leaving us in the dark but for the candles on the table.
Stella and her sister exchanged an exasperated look, and a moment later, she and I were alone at the table.
“Your sister is nice,” I said, sitting again.
She nodded. “She is.”
“She’s getting married soon? And having a baby?”
“Yes.” Stella laughed gently. “The pregnancy was a bit of a surprise. She’s getting married in about a month. Due in March.”
I nodded, recalling her comment about feeling like a failure since her younger sisters were getting married before her, and how she definitely wanted a husband and kids. My life would have been so different if I’d met her years ago, like maybe after my first deployment. Would I have married her instead? Would I have done better? Would we have a family by now?
“At least I’ll be an aunt,” she said. There was hope in her voice, but sadness too, and she dropped her eyes to her hands, which were twisted together on the table.
I watched the candlelight play over her beautiful features and felt an ache deep in my chest. Regret that I couldn’t give her all she deserved. Anguish that soon she’d be out of my life, probably forever. And longing—fierce, uncontrollable longing to hold her in my arms and never let her go.
If I wanted to, I could flip the switch. Suppress it all and walk out of here alone. It was what I should do, for both of us.
But I didn’t want to. God help me, I didn’t want the ache to go away. It hurt, but it made me feel human again. Alive.
“You were quiet tonight,” she said without looking up.
“I’m always quiet, aren’t I?”
“Quieter than usual.”
“I’m sorry.”
She met my eyes. “Don’t be sorry. You never have to apologize to me for who you are. I was only worried that you were upset about something.”
“Nah. I was just thinking. And eating, of course.”
That made her smile a little. “What were you thinking about?”
“You.”
A pause. The candle wick flickered. “What about me?”
“How beautiful you are. How smart and sensitive. How confident and sexy.”
The smile widened, and she stared at her hands again, shaking her head. “Sounds like you’re describing someone else.”
“You don’t think you’re beautiful?”
“I don’t think I’m confident and sexy.”
“Come on. Is this the same girl who dropped to her knees behind the barn last night and nearly brought me to mine too?”
She lifted her shoulders. “But I’m only like that with you. No one else has ever made me … feel the things you do.” When she finally raised her eyes to mine, they were shining. “It scares me.”
I swallowed hard. “Why?”
You asshole. You know why.
“Because I’m falling for you, Ryan. I know it’s crazy, I know we just met, I know you don’t have feelings for me, but it’s the truth. And I—”
“Come with me.” Before I could stop myself, I’d grabbed her by the hand, blown out the candle, and was pulling her through the living room, out the front door, and across the lawn.
Don’t think, don’t think, don’t think, I told myself with every long stride, every thunderous beat of my heart. Just feel. For once, just let yourself fucking feel.
Up the porch steps. Into the house. Shut the front door.
As soon as it was closed, I pushed her back against it and crushed my mouth to hers, my body to hers, my soul to hers. I put my hands in her hair. I reached beneath her dress. I lifted her up so her legs wrapped around my waist and held her aloft, my fingers digging into her firm thighs.
Her breath came as hot and frantically as mine, as though there wasn’t enough oxygen in the room. Her hands moved through my hair, over my jaw, down my neck. “I want you,” she panted against my lips. “God, I want you so badly.”
“I want you too,” I told her, the words spilling heedlessly from my mouth, if not from my heart, “and you’re wrong. I do have feelings for you.”
She took my face in her hands. “You do?”
“Yes.”
“But—but you don’t feel things like this. You told me you don’t. You shut down.”
“I don’t want to shut down with you,” I said as that ache in my chest widened and deepened. It filled with a rush of emotion for her—warmth and passion and a ferocious urge to keep her safe. To make her mine. To be the only one who got to touch her this way.