Total pages in book: 92
Estimated words: 89265 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 446(@200wpm)___ 357(@250wpm)___ 298(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 89265 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 446(@200wpm)___ 357(@250wpm)___ 298(@300wpm)
His hands moved underneath my sweater and roamed over my back. God, it had been so long since anyone had touched my bare skin, even longer since I’d welcomed it. He slid them down over my ass and pulled me even tighter against him. I could feel the thick, hard bulge of his erection through our jeans and desperately wanted more.
Would it be different with him? Would I be different? Was it worth the risk to try?
But all of a sudden, he pushed me away and took a step back. “Go inside now, Stella,” he said, breathing hard.
“But—”
“I mean it. Get in the fucking house. Now.” His tone told me not to argue. His stance was angry.
Frankly, it scared me a little.
With my heart pounding and my breath caught in my chest, I turned away from him, ran up the steps and into the house, shutting the front door behind me.
By the time I looked out the living room window, he was gone.
As soon as I got to my room, I picked up my phone and looked at the time: 9:57 PM. Emme was so tired these days, I didn’t want to take the chance of waking her, so I called Maren. It was still early in Oregon.
“Hello?”
“Hey, it’s me.”
“Hey. How’s it going with Grams?”
“Fine.” I sighed. “Grams is fine.”
“But you’re not?”
“I don’t know what I am.”
“I heard about Buzz. Sorry, Stell.”
“It’s okay. It’s not like he broke my heart or anything. I just feel stupid that I didn’t see it coming.”
“I know. But don’t. Just move on to someone better.”
I stared up at the ceiling in the dark. “Maren, can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“Have you ever felt like you have no idea what you’re doing? Like on the outside everyone thinks you’ve got your shit together, but on the inside you have this sinking feeling you’ve been faking it and pretty soon everybody is going to figure it out?”
“Stella, what’s going on?”
I blinked back tears. “I don’t know. For years I’ve felt like I was at least ninety-five percent shit-together and five percent neurotic mess, but now I feel like the scales are tipping and pretty soon my crazy is going to start to show. I mean, why can’t I get this girl-boy thing right?”
A pause. “Honey, have you been drinking?”
“No. I mean yes, but that was earlier. Before I made a total ass out of myself.”
“What are you talking about?”
Sighing deeply, I told her the whole story—how Grams was clearly trying to set me up with her neighbor, how he turned out to be this sexy, complicated ex-Marine I couldn’t stop thinking about, how reluctant he’d been to talk to me, how Grams had given me a makeover and sent me over there with a pie she claimed was magic.
At that point, Maren was cracking up. “I’m sorry,” she said, wheezing, “I know it’s not supposed to be a funny story, but I’m just picturing you going over there looking like Marilyn Monroe in Grams’s little clothes and holding a pie.”
“It was only her sweater,” I said testily. “And her pearls.”
“Oh God, the pearls,” she gasped. “I cannot wait until Emme hears all this.”
“And she gave me all this ridiculous advice about how to flirt with him.” I started to smile in spite of myself.
“Like what? Drop a hankie and let him pick it up? Bat your lashes over the top of a fan? Swoon so he could catch you?”
I was laughing now, too. “No, no. My only prop was the pie, but it seemed to work. He loved it.”
“So what went wrong?”
“I have no idea. He invited me in and we sat at his kitchen table eating pie and chatting. I was just trying to get to know him better, but I asked about his military service, and that must have set him off because the next thing I knew he was all defensive and angry, telling me how he doesn’t need a therapist.”
“Oh dear. Were you in your therapist mode? Trying to probe his brain and analyze his thoughts?”
“No,” I said, offended. “At least, I don’t think so.”
“Sometimes I think you do it without even realizing it.”
I bit my lip. “Maybe. But it’s only because I’m curious. People fascinate me. And I care.”
“So then what happened?”
“Well, the conversation basically ended with him saying he’s not interested in me, so I left. Then I sat down on Grams’s front porch steps to contemplate what an idiot I’d been—and that’s where he found me.”
She sucked in her breath. “Found you?”
“Yeah. He came over to apologize. Said he’d felt bad about the way I’d left. And he said he was interested.
Another gasp. “And then?”
“Then I threw myself at him.”
“What?” she squealed. “You did not.”
“Well, I told him to kiss me.”
“Did he?”
“Yes.” Thinking about that kiss made my insides warm. I turned onto my side and curled into a ball, as if I didn’t want to let the feeling get away.