Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 90503 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 453(@200wpm)___ 362(@250wpm)___ 302(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 90503 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 453(@200wpm)___ 362(@250wpm)___ 302(@300wpm)
“What was the problem?”
“Bree was lonely. I wasn’t listening to her. I was married to my work and took her for granted.”
“Shit,” I said, lying back again. “Is that why you’re seeing a therapist?”
“That’s what prompted me to get one. But the therapist is helping me with all kinds of issues, most of which stem from my need for control and perfection.”
I scratched my head. “What about Bree and the guy?”
“It was very short-lived. I think only a couple weeks. She felt like she was getting something from him I couldn’t give her—not physically, but emotionally—but eventually she felt so sick about it, she couldn’t take it. She confessed to me and begged me to go to counseling, something I’d refused to do in the past, because one, I don’t like talking about feelings, and two, it meant admitting I wasn’t perfect.”
“Well, fuck.”
“Yeah. It wasn’t a happy place around here for a few months. But we went to counseling, I found a therapist, Bree found a therapist.”
“Did Oly have to get a job to pay for all the therapy bills?”
Finn laughed a little. “Not yet. But when she’s old enough to need therapy, she might have to.”
“Nah, she’ll be fine.”
“I hope so, but no one can fuck up a kid like a parent.”
I looked at him, but didn’t say anything.
He lay back in the chair again. Crossed his legs. “You know, I’ve got plenty of success stories too. To balance the scary Internet ones. If you want to hear them.”
I finished off the last of my beer. “Maybe.”
We lay there in silence for a while before Finn spoke again. “She emailed me last night.”
“Who?”
“Maren.”
I looked over at him. “Maren emailed you last night? Why?”
“Because she loves you.” That was all he said.
I was still processing it when Bree came out of the house and asked if she could join us. We said yes, but because I didn’t want to get into everything about Maren in front of my sister-in-law, I didn’t ask Finn for any more details about the email. But it stayed at the back of my mind while the three of us sat around chatting. When the mosquitos chased us into the house, we sat in the family room for a while, but eventually I started yawning, and they said they were tired, too. Bree shooed us upstairs and said she’d turn off all the lights.
Finn and I went up, and I waited in the hall while he snuck into the kids’ rooms to check on them. It was the kind of thing that made being a dad seem kind of nice, checking on your sleeping children. That had to feel good, knowing they were safe and sound and peaceful. I thought about how much fun I’d had in the pool with them today and wondered what kind of a father I would have been if I’d ever had the chance. It made me a little sad to think it would never happen.
Finn came out of Lane’s room, leaving the door open a crack. “Out cold,” he whispered. “That kid sleeps hard.”
“Good.” I hesitated, feeling awkward but wanting to say something. Finn had made an effort with me tonight that he hadn’t made in the past. It didn’t fix everything, but it made me feel a little less alone. “Hey, thanks for talking tonight.”
“Anytime. Thanks for listening.” He stuck his hands in the pockets of his shorts. “If you don’t want me to reply to Maren, I won’t.”
Every time I heard her name, it was like a stab to the heart. “You can do what you want. She wrote to you, not me.”
“Would you reply to her if she wrote to you?”
“No. There would be no point. My mind is made up.”
“Do you love her?”
I hesitated, but decided to be honest. “I’ll always love her.”
He exhaled. “Okay. Goodnight.”
“Night.”
He disappeared down the hall toward the master bedroom and I let myself into my room, closing the door behind me. I got ready for bed and slid beneath the covers, exhausted but unable to sleep.
She’d written to him. I swallowed hard. She must have gone into the house last night and looked him up online. What had she said? Knowing her, I could pretty well guess she’d pleaded with him to talk to me about the surgery.
I thought about what Finn said about self-pity, that I was using my feelings of inadequacy, my certainty that I would disappoint her, as an excuse not to let her see me at my worst. But that was bullshit! How could he think that I wouldn’t be a disappointment to her, when I’d been a disappointment to everyone else in my life who’d loved me?
He was wrong.
I’d done the right thing in setting her free.
Finn took the morning off and accompanied me to the consultation with Dr. Acharya. I told him he didn’t have to, but he insisted. Part of me was glad to have him there, and part of me felt like I was being treated as if I wasn’t smart enough to ask the right questions or make my own decisions, but I kept my mouth shut for once.