Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 90503 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 453(@200wpm)___ 362(@250wpm)___ 302(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 90503 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 453(@200wpm)___ 362(@250wpm)___ 302(@300wpm)
I cried myself to sleep.
Fifteen
Dallas
On the drive back to the hotel, I turned the radio on, putting the volume up as loud as it would go. I already had a headache, and the blasting rock music made it worse, but as long as I was distracted by the noise and the physical pain, I wouldn’t have to deal with the emotional upheaval I’d just caused—mine or Maren’s—or the voices in my head telling me I’d just walked away from the best thing that had ever happened to me.
Back at my hotel, I threw all my shit in my suitcase and crashed on the bed, slamming my eyes shut and praying sleep would come quickly.
It didn’t, of course.
All I could do was picture the look on Maren’s face when I’d told her I didn’t love her. Hear her sobbing. She’d been devastated, as I knew she would be. Goddammit, it wasn’t supposed to happen!
But I wanted her to be happy, and the only way that could happen was without me in her life. She’d realize that in time. She was smart—smart enough to put everything together about what was going on with me. Groaning, I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling. It was exactly as I’d suspected—the tears and sadness, the pity and fear. Why the hell would she want any of that in her life?
I loved her too much to put her through it. Better to disappoint her in the short term than sentence her for life. But fuck—fuck—it hurt me, too.
I grabbed the pillow from behind my head and put it over my face. It smelled like lavender.
My throat closed. My chest tightened. My heart ached at the thought that I’d never kiss her goodnight or sleep next to her or wake up with her again—and someone else would.
But that was the price I had to pay.
I landed in Boston around one o’clock the following afternoon. I hadn’t slept well, the flight had been bumpy, and my stomach was upset, probably because of the Depakote combined with the lack of food. To say I was grumpy was an understatement.
I barked at someone in baggage claim for standing too close to me, I was a dick to the guy at the rental car agency when the SUV I wanted wasn’t available, and I ignored Finn’s texts asking if I was on my way. I’d never even told him which flight I was on or when it would arrive.
Instead, I put his address into my GPS and drove to his house, cursing and grumbling the entire way that I should have stayed in a hotel. How the fuck was I going to even breathe with four people in my face all the time?
Bree answered my knock on the front door, and her face lit up when she saw me. “Hey, Dallas!”
“Hey.”
She held the door open for me, and as soon as I was inside, she let go and threw her arms around me. “It’s so good to see you.”
The hug felt good, and I found my temperamental mood easing up a bit. “You too.”
She released me and stepped back, eyeing me at arm’s length. “You look good.”
“So do you.” My brother’s wife was pretty and petite, with shoulder-length dark hair that was pulled off her face and a generous smile. It was a warm day, and she was dressed in cut-off shorts and a tank top smudged with dirt as if she’d been working outside.
“Oh Lord, I’m a mess. I’ve been in the garden already this morning. But come on in. Finn’s at work—I don’t think he knew exactly when you were arriving—but the kids are running around here somewhere. Oly! Lane!” she called out. “Uncle Dallas is here.”
A second later, they came barreling toward me, Oly flying down the stairs in a bathing suit and Lane zooming in from the direction of the kitchen. “Yay!” one of them cried as both of them wrapped around my legs like monkeys. “You’re here!”
“I’m here.” The sight of them lifted my spirits even more. “And I have presents for you somewhere in my bag.”
The kids cheered while Bree parked her hands on her hips. “You send them too much stuff already. They’re still eating all the Easter candy you shipped here.”
“What are uncles for?” I ruffled Lane’s hair and tweaked Olympia’s ear.
“Want to go swimming with me?” she asked. “We have a pool now.”
“I know, I heard about it. I’d love to. Got a diving board?”
My niece nodded happily. “I can dive off it.”
“I’ll teach you how to do a backflip,” I told her.
“Dallas Shepherd, don’t you dare.” My sister-in-law swatted at my shoulder.
I smiled. “Let me take my bags upstairs and I’ll find my suit, okay, Oly?”
“Okay.”
“Are you hungry?” Bree asked. “I have some pasta salad and some deviled eggs.”