Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 85682 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 428(@200wpm)___ 343(@250wpm)___ 286(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85682 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 428(@200wpm)___ 343(@250wpm)___ 286(@300wpm)
My chest vibrated with laughter, and I playfully splashed him. “Brat.”
“So…Mike?”
“We used to raise hell together. Used to plan keggers in fields and hook up with girls…so many girls.”
Sam cocked a brow.
“I was trying to fit in and lying to myself about who I was.”
“Yeah…I get that.”
Too many queer people did. It was shitty we had to. “He had trouble in school. I used to do most of his homework for him, always gave him test answers. I’m not sure if he would have graduated from high school without me, but hell, I just wanted him to succeed, ya know? He belonged on the ranch. It was all he wanted. Maybe I was just selfish because I couldn’t handle the thought of high school without him. I was always good with books, smart.”
“And not confident at all.”
I smirked. “I was, though. I always wanted to go to college. I didn’t think I’d get to, but then…well, you know the rest of that. Got caught with a dick in my ass and kicked out of my house, so—”
“Nope. Stop right there. We’re talkin’ happy thoughts tonight. Nothin’ bad. What happened with Mike?”
“I never talked to him again after I left. Didn’t even say goodbye. Last I heard, he worked for my dad.”
“Okay, well, that story didn’t end how I was hopin’. I said happy thoughts, Em.”
It was the second time he’d called me that tonight. I didn’t call him on it, didn’t know if he realized he’d done it. “You’re the one who asked.”
“Well, if it’s not gonna have all sunshine and flowers, don’t tell me.”
“So you don’t want me to talk at all?”
He rolled his eyes. “You’re so dramatic. So you left for the city, I’m guessin’. Went to some fancy school. Got the best grades, was popular. I bet you used to wear slacks and button-up shirts to work every day, in a high-rise somewhere, king of the world.”
He’d hit the nail on the head. “All I had at that point was my success. It became the most important thing to me.”
“Cuz you didn’t have to feel anything, I reckon. It was safer than really lettin’ people in.” I nodded. No use denying it. “Was it everything you thought it’d be? Did it fulfill you in here?” He rubbed a hand over his chest. For whatever reason, it made mine feel emptier.
“I thought you wanted happy thoughts.”
“I do, but I’m also curious about you. Not because I think this is more than what it is either. I just want to understand you, so it’s kinda tough to focus on all the good because I don’t think you let yourself be happy, even when you thought you were, even when you had everything you thought you wanted.”
Somehow, he’d been given the perfect view inside my head, in my heart. Like he could see all the parts of me, knew them even though I tried to hide them.
“Let me see the world through your eyes, experience some of the things I never will,” he added, and I didn’t have it in me to deny him. I didn’t want to.
“For a while I thought it did—fulfill me, I mean. But then I realized it didn’t, so I’d try for more—if I could just be the best, have everything I could have wanted; if I kept climbing to the top, I’d be happy—but it never worked.”
“I think that might be the saddest thing I’ve ever heard.” Sam’s voice was soft and tender. It worked its way inside me, pried me open, something about him loosening my lips. I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that I’d said any of that to him at all. For years, Daniel had wanted those truths from me, and I hadn’t been able to find them to tell him, but now, here I was, sharing them with Sam.
I’m sorry. God, Daniel, I’m so fucking sorry.
“I’m fine,” I lied.
“If we’re talkin’ about your looks, yeah. You’re the prettiest damn thing I’ve ever gotten to touch.”
I pretended his words didn’t pump blood through my heart. “When you get out of this town, all the men better look out for you, that’s all I’m saying. You’re a smooth talker. You’re going to have so many guys, you’ll forget about the old, lonely one who was more of a dick than not.”
“You’re not old.” He winked.
“Oh, so I’m the rest of those things. You really are a brat.” Water splashed into my face. “What the…” And then I was the one splashing him. We met in the middle of the hot tub, wrestling around in it, trying to get the best of each other. My chest hurt from laughing so much. Jesus, he was such a delight.
“I give up. You win.” He tangled his hand in my hair, tugging me in for a kiss. I let him, then took over, pushing him back until he sat on the bench. I stood up, cock hard and in his face, and Sam said, “Bring that here. I’m hungry again.”